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Monday, 1 September 2014

Lord of the Rings

Growing old does a lot of things to you, I viewed events that happened quite differently than I would have just last year. One of the things I noticed is that, mehn, girls dey hustle. Not even money hustle, ring hustle, its like having a real Lord of the Rings contest. An engagement ring is somewhat valued even above a marriage ring.

Like I told a friend of mine, if only ladies knew thet true role of wives, that they are the foundation of a home, they pray more tham priests and sleep less than guards. If only someone told them, maybe we would reduce the statistics of broken homes, especially among Christians (of which that word has lost its potency, thats gist for another day). Wives grow to become mothers, who raise children who are meant to be properly raised to avoid this generation of men with committment phobia and truck load of baggage.

Im not married.....yet, but as a good observer and from experience, I think Ive leant a few things i'll love to share with y'all.

There are quite a few but the one I'ld love to share this important one. Ladies, NOT ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD LEAD TO MARRIAGE I write in upper case for very serious emphasis. Lot of times, you realise that the seriousness of the said relationship is all your (the lady) effort. I've come to realize that when a lady demands committment and succeeds in getting it, its rarely stable, but when its the lad who shows the committment and who is the serious one, its lasts (because, the woman's committment is almost sure when she sees that her man is serious).
A wise man once told me, even in the Bible, what God requested from the womenfolk in marriage is respect for the man not love. Please dont get me wrong, love is the bedrock of the relationship but for marriage, its respect for the man not just love. When the man loves you, its vital. Thats why God himself requests love from the man cos He knows mans make-up. A friend once told me, babe, 'a woman shouldn't marry the man she  loves the most, but should marry the man who loves her most'
Women love easily, its our genetic make up, thats even why sometimes we see ladies fall in love with the guy who raped them! Weird but true.

I know sometimes its difficult not to imagine marriage with the level of seriousness, I mean, you might even have his mum on bbm, you might even have his engagement ring, but in the mist of all these, we shouldnt loose sight of the red lights and negative signs, dating or courtship period is the only time we have the power over a relationship, once you say 'I do', omo steering don change hand o.

That you guys are serious doesnt mean, y'all are altar bound. Some relationships are just there to groom you for the real deal. Sometimes, the girl endures all the crap the guy displays so she can endure the bullshit in marriage with her real guy. Sometimes the guy learn to tolerate all the nonsense the lass dishes so he can truly tolerate his real wifey's real mess up.

That you've been together for 5, 6 or even 8 years doesnt mean, he must marry you, come to think of it, the rest of your life is quite a long time compared to 8 years.

Not all serious relationship should lead to the altar. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. My two shillings.
Shine ya eye ladies.




  1. WOoow!!! This is great A.D.
    Alot of girls need to read this.

  2. This is an interesting read. I strongly agree with the idea of thinking before you leap into the hands of the next suitor. But my dear..... what can one do? my Mother has a saying that I am tired of hearing. She says "sell when you can for you are not for all seasons". While waiting for prince charming.... time is going. So what happens then.

  3. Makes for a good read. Allow me to play devil's advocate tho. Call me old fashioned but a marriage really should be the zenith of every serious relationship. Otherwise, what next after that relationship? A "Been There, Done That, Got the tshirt" farewell and then it's on to the next one? I should hope not.
    Now while I do realize that some people do not want to be married (which is totally Okay)..I think it makes no sense to give your time, emotions and resources into a serious relationship and not expect lifetime commitment esp when you do want to get married. But that's just me.
    Write more tho. Please?

    1. Hmmmm, I totally get your angle, but i dont think you get mine. The main message is that sometimes, even after the lass is engaged, she should still pay attention to red lights of warning. Of course I wouldnt advice anyone to just waste time and resources, except you are 16, of which you shouldnt even be in a relationship sef.
      .....hmmmn, I think I know who this is. *big smile. Thanks for dropping by.

  4. This is something I totally agree with. Dating and marriage are worlds apart but many of us girls enter marriage rosy eyed, full of fanciful thinking only to be disillusioned. Women, we need to be loved, so you find a man that loves you above all else and if he is the very one that makes your heart flutter then do the happy dance for sister you are blessed! Men on the other hand want to be respected, so, you only consider a man that you respect. I also believe that stability can not be over emphasized. You want drama that is what television is for. You want thrill, go bungee jumping!
    Good read.

  5. Perfect write up. this is a strong encouragement to that lady, yes u, that is finding it hard to walk out of the relationship cos u've spent so many years with him and every1 knows you guys together, even after seeing the red lights of doom. Girl, pick up the courage now that u have the liberty to, put on ur shoes and take a very looooooooooong walk. U'll be grateful u did much later, when you settle in d arms of the right man!