Lord of the Rings

Growing old does a lot of things to you, I viewed events that happened quite differently than I would have just last year. One of the things I noticed is that, mehn, girls dey hustle. Not even money hustle, ring hustle, its like having a real Lord of the Rings contest. An engagement ring is somewhat valued even above a marriage ring.

Like I told a friend of mine, if only ladies knew thet true role of wives, that they are the foundation of a home, they pray more tham priests and sleep less than guards. If only someone told them, maybe we would reduce the statistics of broken homes, especially among Christians (of which that word has lost its potency, thats gist for another day). Wives grow to become mothers, who raise children who are meant to be properly raised to avoid this generation of men with committment phobia and truck load of baggage.

Im not married.....yet, but as a good observer and from experience, I think Ive leant a few things i'll love to share with y'all.

There are quite a few but the one I'ld love to share this important one. Ladies, NOT ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD LEAD TO MARRIAGE I write in upper case for very serious emphasis. Lot of times, you realise that the seriousness of the said relationship is all your (the lady) effort. I've come to realize that when a lady demands committment and succeeds in getting it, its rarely stable, but when its the lad who shows the committment and who is the serious one, its lasts (because, the woman's committment is almost sure when she sees that her man is serious).
A wise man once told me, even in the Bible, what God requested from the womenfolk in marriage is respect for the man not love. Please dont get me wrong, love is the bedrock of the relationship but for marriage, its respect for the man not just love. When the man loves you, its vital. Thats why God himself requests love from the man cos He knows mans make-up. A friend once told me, babe, 'a woman shouldn't marry the man she  loves the most, but should marry the man who loves her most'
Women love easily, its our genetic make up, thats even why sometimes we see ladies fall in love with the guy who raped them! Weird but true.

I know sometimes its difficult not to imagine marriage with the level of seriousness, I mean, you might even have his mum on bbm, you might even have his engagement ring, but in the mist of all these, we shouldnt loose sight of the red lights and negative signs, dating or courtship period is the only time we have the power over a relationship, once you say 'I do', omo steering don change hand o.

That you guys are serious doesnt mean, y'all are altar bound. Some relationships are just there to groom you for the real deal. Sometimes, the girl endures all the crap the guy displays so she can endure the bullshit in marriage with her real guy. Sometimes the guy learn to tolerate all the nonsense the lass dishes so he can truly tolerate his real wifey's real mess up.

That you've been together for 5, 6 or even 8 years doesnt mean, he must marry you, come to think of it, the rest of your life is quite a long time compared to 8 years.

Not all serious relationship should lead to the altar. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. My two shillings.
Shine ya eye ladies.

Yours..........

A.D

What Women Want Revealed.....Honestly o

BREAKING NEWS; After crossing seven galaxies and seven dimensions, the true summary of 'what women want is finally here'. At no extra cost, what women want in 3 words, Attention, Affection, Appreciation....




I know it will not make sense if I just barge in here and start blabbing when I've left you guys hanging for over a year, My darlings, abeg *kneeling down with both hands raised and eyes closed* forgive me biko.

You know life is very one kain, lol. Ive actually missed you guys, I'm running one kain M.Sc like that ehnnn, exams every blessed week! No jokes *straight face*


Ehennn, back to the crux of the matter, I posted the above on my Facebook wall and got some responses, some very interesting responses, but I still believe that Attention, Affection, and Appreciation are the best summary of what a woman wants that men can ever get.


Maybe a little explanation will help you agree.

Attention.....Do I even need to explain this one, every guy knows that the number one thing women strive for is attention,evidence is clearly seen in the booming, so called human hair and fake buttocks industry, but God is trying sha, watching all these and granting second chances. Some guys even have extra understanding in this area and reverse it to their advantage, Lemme show you.

Titi, Sola and Bisi are close friends with 'attractiveness coeff' (this is the result of too much book) of 4, 6 and 8, in that order, and along comes Dave, Tall, Dark, Handsome and might I add Rich, lol, for our vast category of readers, with eyes (seemingly) only for Titi, making Bisi who's quite a stunner, wonder what the problem is....and no we are assuming, no Jazz is involved. So when Dave is sure he has Bisi's attention, it will only take one (probably lousy) attempt for her to agree.....chai, women have suffered!

I see some of you didn't even know this.....Oya pay up.

Attention is in listening to her, being there for her, even attention to the way she wants to be loved, what I consider love might be insignificant or even freaky to another and vice versa.


Affection....has caused me quite a few heart cracks *sad face* and should not be confused with Attention, ladies, that he's always nice to you doesn't mean that he loves you, you could be an option when he's bored. My opinion. Actions speak louder than words, but words confirms and consolidates actions. There's nothing sexier than a man who loves a woman and knows how she loves to be loved and isn't afraid to show let the world see that he loves her. Affection is quite crucial. If she wants PDA, biko show it to her, If she loves pet names, give her exotic ones, if she like them both, shower them on her, she'll truly love you for that.


Appreciation.....most guys actually don't get this. Wikipedia defines it thus 'recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something', that she's a good cook, doesn't mean that she was brought to the world for your endless supply of banga soup and starch. Appreciate her even though I know you feel it's her duty (man matter tire me sha, you never marry am o, but she don already get 'duty'). In all, appreciate her and she will naturally respect you, naturally.


Diligent follow through of the A.D's triple A rule will make sure your woman isn't a bother but a blessing.


Note o: This theory was compounded with the following Assumptions

1) No jazz is involved, whether by red and yellow wearing priest or red and bare bodied baba. No juju.

2) Y'all have have gone past the money wahala. The lass has accepted your economic conditions.

3) You are not a mama's boy (if you aren't sure you aren't, then you are!)


Yours.......always a blessing



A.D

From a place of hurt

Not all feelings have words ascribed to them.......I'm experiencing one right now. The closest word however would be 'hopeless'. They say when life hands you lemons, you make lemonades, what if life hands you vinegar, what do you make out of them.

I was always quick to judge and criticize those chicks I saw on TV who became so helpless and hopeless when they got their hearts broken. 'My heart can never be broken', I'd say, 'it cant even be given to anyone not to talk of been broken cos it got in the wrong hands', I'd retort.

'Shut up, stupid!'. I'm sure that's what present me would be shouting to past me.
Indeed I had high walls, walls so high, even the great Chinese walls would be a joke, the ones in Jericho, LEGO.

But don't blame me, he's so skillfully, walked right in.....through the front gate! Drunk in whatever it was, I welcomed him in and locked all the doors so no one would disturb us.....Now the worst has happened and the keys are no where to be found, and these walls are so high, I cant throw him over.
The same walls I built to protect me, are the same ones fighting against me.

But no, i wont roll over and die, I'll be strong, i'll take up a new good hobby, i'll keep my head high, i'll make an awesome result, i'll turn this feeling to something good, i'll make a wine of this vinegar.


From a place of hurt and despair......your still....


A.D

Crushed

I still remember my first ever crush, I was in primary 5, He was also in primary 5, He was the second most brilliant student in school, I was 3^rd on the list (yea, ive always known book). I even still remember his name…….Sunday, Sunday Orokpo, was from Benue and was a catholic, Had a head that looked like a car with the front doors open as he had those ‘Will Smith’ ears, but I still fancied him just the way he was. Even the teachers at school were in somewhat of an agreement on our friendship as they called us ‘husband and wife’, oh I remember how I would frown and tell them I didn’t like it when my insides were erupting with butterfly volcanoes……Sunday wherever you are would be nice to see you again.

Back then, everybody knew everybody’s crush and nobody made you look stupid or became jealous because your crush is also suddenly crushing on you and theirs……….well, lets say, was just not that in to them.

Crushes those days were quite cute and innocent, puppy love, no ulterior motives or selfish conquests to satisfy. Coming to the now, I’ve had crushes this hour and wondered the next hour what was so captivating in the first place. From one class (45 minutes) to one hour to one semester to one year………nah it never gets to one year, they always do something stupid and shatter the jinx as I would realize his eyes were too far apart and he really looked like a fish, or that he didn’t really have an awesome build, but an awesome skill in starching shirts.

Abeg, I have to give it to guys in my school, no other institution, corporate or otherwise can starch a shirt like they do, 3 gbosas to una jore. I remember one time when I spotted a friend of mine who looked so crisp and clean and I really wanted to compliment him and I called out to him, but the scene that followed was simply hilarious as he literally had to turn with his whole body to answer me as he had starched his shirt stiff!

Well my current crush…….or last crush……kinda knew I had a crush on him, and delightfully I think he felt same for me, I guess my case was easy, I read an article sometime ago in Bellanaija’s Aunty Bella column, where the gurl complained that she had ‘over fronted’ for a guy that had a crush on her and she also liked but didn’t want to appear cheap! Poor gurl, after a while dude fashied her side.

I understand what she meant though, sometime you fall for this guy who is notorious with the ladies, might have even just shattered Jane’s heart, but that doesn’t matter, you still get that anti-gravity feeling when he’s around, like, everybody shrinks and its just the two of you and no matter how hard you try, your cheek always give you away. But nowadays the ladies have learnt to pretend to themselves even when all the catch-me-staring-if-you-can games have paid off and he’s trying to make acquaintance.  

 Sometimes I wish everything was  like back then, when you could muster courage, walk up to the boy and tell him you wanted to borrow his………..was there ever a specific thing, but he would gladly give you whatever you asked and smiled with you.

Oh well, Such is life.

Yours…………till the crush is over

A.D