Lord of the Rings

Growing old does a lot of things to you, I viewed events that happened quite differently than I would have just last year. One of the things I noticed is that, mehn, girls dey hustle. Not even money hustle, ring hustle, its like having a real Lord of the Rings contest. An engagement ring is somewhat valued even above a marriage ring.

Like I told a friend of mine, if only ladies knew thet true role of wives, that they are the foundation of a home, they pray more tham priests and sleep less than guards. If only someone told them, maybe we would reduce the statistics of broken homes, especially among Christians (of which that word has lost its potency, thats gist for another day). Wives grow to become mothers, who raise children who are meant to be properly raised to avoid this generation of men with committment phobia and truck load of baggage.

Im not married.....yet, but as a good observer and from experience, I think Ive leant a few things i'll love to share with y'all.

There are quite a few but the one I'ld love to share this important one. Ladies, NOT ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD LEAD TO MARRIAGE I write in upper case for very serious emphasis. Lot of times, you realise that the seriousness of the said relationship is all your (the lady) effort. I've come to realize that when a lady demands committment and succeeds in getting it, its rarely stable, but when its the lad who shows the committment and who is the serious one, its lasts (because, the woman's committment is almost sure when she sees that her man is serious).
A wise man once told me, even in the Bible, what God requested from the womenfolk in marriage is respect for the man not love. Please dont get me wrong, love is the bedrock of the relationship but for marriage, its respect for the man not just love. When the man loves you, its vital. Thats why God himself requests love from the man cos He knows mans make-up. A friend once told me, babe, 'a woman shouldn't marry the man she  loves the most, but should marry the man who loves her most'
Women love easily, its our genetic make up, thats even why sometimes we see ladies fall in love with the guy who raped them! Weird but true.

I know sometimes its difficult not to imagine marriage with the level of seriousness, I mean, you might even have his mum on bbm, you might even have his engagement ring, but in the mist of all these, we shouldnt loose sight of the red lights and negative signs, dating or courtship period is the only time we have the power over a relationship, once you say 'I do', omo steering don change hand o.

That you guys are serious doesnt mean, y'all are altar bound. Some relationships are just there to groom you for the real deal. Sometimes, the girl endures all the crap the guy displays so she can endure the bullshit in marriage with her real guy. Sometimes the guy learn to tolerate all the nonsense the lass dishes so he can truly tolerate his real wifey's real mess up.

That you've been together for 5, 6 or even 8 years doesnt mean, he must marry you, come to think of it, the rest of your life is quite a long time compared to 8 years.

Not all serious relationship should lead to the altar. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. My two shillings.
Shine ya eye ladies.

Yours..........

A.D

What Women Want Revealed.....Honestly o

BREAKING NEWS; After crossing seven galaxies and seven dimensions, the true summary of 'what women want is finally here'. At no extra cost, what women want in 3 words, Attention, Affection, Appreciation....




I know it will not make sense if I just barge in here and start blabbing when I've left you guys hanging for over a year, My darlings, abeg *kneeling down with both hands raised and eyes closed* forgive me biko.

You know life is very one kain, lol. Ive actually missed you guys, I'm running one kain M.Sc like that ehnnn, exams every blessed week! No jokes *straight face*


Ehennn, back to the crux of the matter, I posted the above on my Facebook wall and got some responses, some very interesting responses, but I still believe that Attention, Affection, and Appreciation are the best summary of what a woman wants that men can ever get.


Maybe a little explanation will help you agree.

Attention.....Do I even need to explain this one, every guy knows that the number one thing women strive for is attention,evidence is clearly seen in the booming, so called human hair and fake buttocks industry, but God is trying sha, watching all these and granting second chances. Some guys even have extra understanding in this area and reverse it to their advantage, Lemme show you.

Titi, Sola and Bisi are close friends with 'attractiveness coeff' (this is the result of too much book) of 4, 6 and 8, in that order, and along comes Dave, Tall, Dark, Handsome and might I add Rich, lol, for our vast category of readers, with eyes (seemingly) only for Titi, making Bisi who's quite a stunner, wonder what the problem is....and no we are assuming, no Jazz is involved. So when Dave is sure he has Bisi's attention, it will only take one (probably lousy) attempt for her to agree.....chai, women have suffered!

I see some of you didn't even know this.....Oya pay up.

Attention is in listening to her, being there for her, even attention to the way she wants to be loved, what I consider love might be insignificant or even freaky to another and vice versa.


Affection....has caused me quite a few heart cracks *sad face* and should not be confused with Attention, ladies, that he's always nice to you doesn't mean that he loves you, you could be an option when he's bored. My opinion. Actions speak louder than words, but words confirms and consolidates actions. There's nothing sexier than a man who loves a woman and knows how she loves to be loved and isn't afraid to show let the world see that he loves her. Affection is quite crucial. If she wants PDA, biko show it to her, If she loves pet names, give her exotic ones, if she like them both, shower them on her, she'll truly love you for that.


Appreciation.....most guys actually don't get this. Wikipedia defines it thus 'recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something', that she's a good cook, doesn't mean that she was brought to the world for your endless supply of banga soup and starch. Appreciate her even though I know you feel it's her duty (man matter tire me sha, you never marry am o, but she don already get 'duty'). In all, appreciate her and she will naturally respect you, naturally.


Diligent follow through of the A.D's triple A rule will make sure your woman isn't a bother but a blessing.


Note o: This theory was compounded with the following Assumptions

1) No jazz is involved, whether by red and yellow wearing priest or red and bare bodied baba. No juju.

2) Y'all have have gone past the money wahala. The lass has accepted your economic conditions.

3) You are not a mama's boy (if you aren't sure you aren't, then you are!)


Yours.......always a blessing



A.D

Dear future husband

Mhmmmn, I hear that you and your friends are going extinct, as all you people think about is making money and sleeping around……I hope you aren’t one of them oh.

I’m missing you already, I wish I knew you now, so we can start the adjustments and changes on time, you know, old yam stem dey hard to bend. J  

But in the meanwhile, I would really love it if you spoke very polished English, you know, maybe a lil British, a lil American accent, but I’m not talking of the fake lekki-british-american accent oh, if that’s what you are speaking, ber ah change it now oh.

Also honeypie, I hope you aren’t bearing any of these names, ‘Darlington ( so your famzing colleagues at work will be calling you ‘darling’ all over the place abi ) Utibe, Ngozi (that name is reserved for my daughter thank you), Chike (I just don’t like that name joor), Ekpeyong (everyone I’ve known who bears that name was mean and short), Nosa (what kind of name is that!!?!)’, I just want to be able to call your name with love and respect and not sarcasm, oh, and I hope I can pronounce our surname, if not, I and my children will bear ‘Chukwu’.

Also since I was 16, I’ve been praying for a strong Christian brother, not a ‘broh’, even the bible says Jesus grew in wisdom and ‘stature’, so gym up swetiee!

Sweerie, I hope you will not be one of those people that will call my blog, ‘that thing I do’, if not we will communicate through the said blog for a month!

Baby, there’s this thing called a shaving stick, I propose you master its usage in certain areas because I will so not be fascinated by the dense forest growing under your arm.

Yes, honey, I hope M.I and Waje didn’t fool you oh…….Im not a materialistic girl as you will find out, but don’t even try that one naira line oh. I’m not saying, you have to be a millionaire or anything like that, because, even if you are still starting out, I’ll be right beside you, but pls don’t be a lazy man!

And ehmmm on the reverse of the above point, I hope you will not end the relationship before we even start out by hinting or outrightly asking me to be a housewife, because THAT WILL SOOOOO NOT WORK! My father spent a good amount of money on my education, we are talking 7-8 digits so no matter how much you just want to see my face, I’ll give you a life size pic of me, or better still a hologram! And don’t worry about raising our kids, as you will find out, my mama did a very good job and she still is in banking.

Babe, I also hope you aren’t one of those people who get angry and start breaking stuff, or else, there’ll be no interior deco in the house, or, better still, when you feel the urgent need to hear the crashing breaking sound of stuff, please stay out of my kitchen! And don’t even touch any of my artwork (yea boo, wifey also paints).

……O.K, I know it seems like I’m over demanding, but don’t worry, I promise not to disturb your football matches, infact, I promise to specially bake for you and chill your fav beer……oh wait, wait, wait, I’m sorry, boo, I seriously hope…..Oh goodness, I’m fervently praying you aren’t carrying a potbelly in place of your tummy, if you are, ASAP enroll in a gym nearby and kindly deliver of whatever you are carrying. I mean how are we supposed to be telling every visitor that visits when I’m pregnant that I’m the one carrying the child!

I’m sorry for that, twas really important, yea, I also promise to know when its time with the boys, and give you some space. I promise to always look good for you, and don’t worry, I aint burning no hole in your wallet. I promise to be as supportive and understanding as can be, I also promise to give my opinions and not force them on you, but I don’t promise not to say ‘I told you so’, when you go against my opinions and something bad happens……

In all swetiee, I’ll be a good wifey.

Yours………….for better, for worse

A.D

9 deadly phrases men use.

I read an article on the facebook page of a friend of mine about the 9 deadly words women use, knowing that there are two sides to a coin, this is for the ladies………..and men too, lol

It’s Okay: Be ye not deceived lasses, when he says it’s okay or ‘ I don’t mind’, it’s really not okay, and he actually minds……….like really minds, like its way off his comfort zone, actually, you mostly hear this when he’s still chyking you, when he knows that there are other prospects on the line, after he’s gotten you, you start hearing stuff like, ‘why don’t we……that way, we both win’, you only hear ‘it’s okay’ again either on vals day or your birthday………

Whatever you say: Assuming you both want to go out this weekend and you want the movies but he wants to swim, he gives you 5 reasons why, and you give him 10 reasons  why the movie is bera, then he backs out and lets you have your say, but note, If anything goes wrong, it on your ass!

If it makes you happy: Ol’ boy this is more deadly than number 2, note, if it makes YOU happy, he never said, ‘if it makes you happy, it makes me happy’, we just kinda always complete the sentence ourselves! Now If it makes you happy that you both go for Kike’s gig and it turns to be boring and you come back sighing and cursing and then he feels like he wasted his time trying to make you happy and you turn around cursing and sighing and feeling guilty……………..see!

Fine: two aspects to this ladies, there’s the ‘fine’ as a complement and there’s ‘fine’ as a reply and they are both not good………….duhhh, check the title, don’t mind me. When you ask him how you look in your  5 figure costing hairdo or your new Ferragamo or Vera wang outfit and all he says is fine, there’s trouble men, even though he stresses the syllables and says ‘fiiiiiiiiiine’, still same thing dear, he has mentally calculated how much you spent so when next he asks for a lil help with a project, you can’t say you can’t. As for ‘fine’ as a reply, whenever you ask about something that naturally demands a story-like answer and he says ‘fine’, girl, leave the man alone!

Jiffy: Ok, help me out here, how can you quantify ‘jiffy’ on the clock, we only have minutes, seconds and hours, right, so that gives him all the time  in the world, all he’ll ever need, so when he’s just closed from work on a Friday and he says he’ll be home in a ‘jiffy’, don’t bother , he’s with the hommies

Baby: I don’t know why men feel that ‘baby’ is a magic word that can lighten every matter and get them out of their mess……………..you forgot it was our anniversary even after having homemade 3-course candlelight dinner and you think calling me ‘baby’ will get you even a hug……… forgerrrrrrit!

Looking away: I know this is an action but babe this is a very audible action o! He’s like……….really, ………c’mon……….. you can’t, you wouldn’t  really pick Sucker Punch over Fast 5, then he hesitates and says ‘If it makes you happy’, y’all know what that means right.

Soooo: Yea, soooo is different from so, soooo simply means, conversation’s getting boring and he’s getting out of ideas, so means he’s still waiting for a favorable reply, note, ‘favorable’

I appreciate: Dude doesn’t appreciate jack, just saying this cause he thinks you expect him to, just trying to get you, I mean, if he appreciates your finger, you’ll show him your hand soon enough….

Haha, gotcha guys, I’m so sorry I had to spill ya beanz, still love y’all :-)

Yours……………..ever loyal

A.D

Crushed

I still remember my first ever crush, I was in primary 5, He was also in primary 5, He was the second most brilliant student in school, I was 3^rd on the list (yea, ive always known book). I even still remember his name…….Sunday, Sunday Orokpo, was from Benue and was a catholic, Had a head that looked like a car with the front doors open as he had those ‘Will Smith’ ears, but I still fancied him just the way he was. Even the teachers at school were in somewhat of an agreement on our friendship as they called us ‘husband and wife’, oh I remember how I would frown and tell them I didn’t like it when my insides were erupting with butterfly volcanoes……Sunday wherever you are would be nice to see you again.

Back then, everybody knew everybody’s crush and nobody made you look stupid or became jealous because your crush is also suddenly crushing on you and theirs……….well, lets say, was just not that in to them.

Crushes those days were quite cute and innocent, puppy love, no ulterior motives or selfish conquests to satisfy. Coming to the now, I’ve had crushes this hour and wondered the next hour what was so captivating in the first place. From one class (45 minutes) to one hour to one semester to one year………nah it never gets to one year, they always do something stupid and shatter the jinx as I would realize his eyes were too far apart and he really looked like a fish, or that he didn’t really have an awesome build, but an awesome skill in starching shirts.

Abeg, I have to give it to guys in my school, no other institution, corporate or otherwise can starch a shirt like they do, 3 gbosas to una jore. I remember one time when I spotted a friend of mine who looked so crisp and clean and I really wanted to compliment him and I called out to him, but the scene that followed was simply hilarious as he literally had to turn with his whole body to answer me as he had starched his shirt stiff!

Well my current crush…….or last crush……kinda knew I had a crush on him, and delightfully I think he felt same for me, I guess my case was easy, I read an article sometime ago in Bellanaija’s Aunty Bella column, where the gurl complained that she had ‘over fronted’ for a guy that had a crush on her and she also liked but didn’t want to appear cheap! Poor gurl, after a while dude fashied her side.

I understand what she meant though, sometime you fall for this guy who is notorious with the ladies, might have even just shattered Jane’s heart, but that doesn’t matter, you still get that anti-gravity feeling when he’s around, like, everybody shrinks and its just the two of you and no matter how hard you try, your cheek always give you away. But nowadays the ladies have learnt to pretend to themselves even when all the catch-me-staring-if-you-can games have paid off and he’s trying to make acquaintance.  

 Sometimes I wish everything was  like back then, when you could muster courage, walk up to the boy and tell him you wanted to borrow his………..was there ever a specific thing, but he would gladly give you whatever you asked and smiled with you.

Oh well, Such is life.

Yours…………till the crush is over

A.D

Excuse me miss..........

Funny story: true life oh, happened to me

Was walking back home as ma house is just a bus stop away, after a whie, I realized someone has been walking bhind me, a guy precisely, so I quickened ma step but he was still on ma trail, so I increased ma pace again but this time he walks up to me with a very tired n cute smile and says, “ im sory if u r scared, but I think we r actually headed d same way but u r walking quite fast n I cant overtake ur pace.” And then we both smile and continue our walk (u’ll get the joke, if u really know how fast I walk)……..dont ask me what happened next, lool.

While It happened it really wasn’t funny as someone from ma workplace had almost been kidnapped, sorry adultnapped n I didn’t want such experience, but looking at it now…………this was a nice pickup line……..or tactics, except that if he hadn’t walked up to me at the time he did, God knows, I would have run, loool yesss oh, I was really going to run for dear life.

Sounds funny and even weird, but funnier is the wack pickup lines guys use these days, from the very archaic, ‘u must b an angel’, to the cute but weird-if-not-said-right, ‘that must hurt……..the fall from heaven’, I mean kudos to the guys sha, forming these lines is not beans oh, but haba, I think u people should test run ur newer versions………….but not on girls sha. I cant even remember any wack one cos they are just too funny n stupid sumtyms…….no wait I remember one case, kai, I know how much courage it takes a guy to walk up to a gurl n all n how gurls shouldn’t be so rude n all, but…..chai, what is ‘can I know you’ meant to be!

DO NOT EVER EVER EVER, I wish I could emphasis this enough, do not ask for her name or digits (as it she’s an amphibian), or her house addy, don’t do it! Engage her in an interesting conversation, if your game is that tight, damn, she’ll even give you her sleeping posture!

The idea is to chat her up, ‘chat’, not profile her up, haba, na interview!!  I even remember this guy who was so pathetic as he was actually begging for my name………wait, what makes you guys think the name I’ll give is even my real name, I mean I’ve answered all sort, from Favour to Ann to Anastasia to Samantha to Eunice to Helen. All these names are not even my favorite names but are actually a trick to expose their  true speech pattern as most of them come with this irritating Ghanaian-British- Pidgin English and by the time you pronounce ‘fair-vor’ or ‘hey-lin’, you would have exposed yourself  XD

Sha all im trying to say to the fellas is, be innovative, first impression matters u know!

Life’s Good.

A.D