Becoming Mrs…….

Yes, in a couple of days, I’ll be Mrs somebody, and the planning has been #@$%#$%. Jeeeeeeezzz, there’re so many things needed to be done nowadays, you have to;

• have a bridal shower, 
• have asoebi, 
• create hashtag, 
• do pre-wedding shoot, 
• task your bridesmaids and collect ya moni, 
• have committee of friends and task them too, 
• buy wedding gown, 
• rent hall (with prices looking like house rent) and 
• ontop of everything, you still have to arrange for transportation and accommodation for your guests. For heaven’s sake, I don’t think the couple of the wedding at Cana, in the Bible, organized bus for Jesus and his mama, they found their way na.

Everyone sees an intending couple as an avenue to make quick money, the annoying part is that phrase, ‘it’s a once in a lifetime event oh, so do it well’. Of course I want to do it well, but then do I really need bridal shower, do I need pre-wedding video, do I need to take lessons to do dramatic entrance biko, whatever happened to dancing in joyouslywith your hubby. I don’t think my mum had bridal shower and she and my dad are still loving up like teenagers. The pressure in this wedding business is out of this world, chineke! First, they pressure you to marry, ok, ekenedilichikwu, you find man to marry, then they pressure you on things to do for the wedding, and Bella and all those annoying blogs aren’t even helping matters.


Why can’t we just elope and go to a church and be blessed and continue life…………ok I think I’m just venting, I can never elope, not if I’m still my mother’s daughter, because she will pray my plans to scatter and pray me back home! Sounds like jazz, but trust me, its pure and unadulterated prayer. My mum is one of those people that can pray NEPA to bring back the light and, Voila! Yope, I have one of those literal prayer warrior mothers.


Ok, maybe I’m just angry at how much weddings cost these days, no wonder men want to be millionaires before they even start thinking marriage. Everything costs money, even in church, you pay, and the nonsense dollar, abi oil, has affected everything, even tin tomatoes is not as red as it used to be sef, jollof rice in parties these days are looking more and more confused. I’ve come to realize, that those marrying in this economy really love each other. In fact, I won’t be surprised if there are men pegging their marriage to a $100/barrel economy and to those ones I say, wehdone sirs!


Inshort, I’m tired, we’ll share the food and collect gifts right after church, we’ll save the house rent, sorry, hall rent money and payment for DJ and MC and, YESSS save the souvenir sharing episode, y’all don’t need souvenirs to know we are married, the child naming in 9 months should clear all doubts.


Yours…………in transition (like metamorphosis into a wife, not obituary biko)



A.D

Dear future husband

Mhmmmn, I hear that you and your friends are going extinct, as all you people think about is making money and sleeping around……I hope you aren’t one of them oh.

I’m missing you already, I wish I knew you now, so we can start the adjustments and changes on time, you know, old yam stem dey hard to bend. J  

But in the meanwhile, I would really love it if you spoke very polished English, you know, maybe a lil British, a lil American accent, but I’m not talking of the fake lekki-british-american accent oh, if that’s what you are speaking, ber ah change it now oh.

Also honeypie, I hope you aren’t bearing any of these names, ‘Darlington ( so your famzing colleagues at work will be calling you ‘darling’ all over the place abi ) Utibe, Ngozi (that name is reserved for my daughter thank you), Chike (I just don’t like that name joor), Ekpeyong (everyone I’ve known who bears that name was mean and short), Nosa (what kind of name is that!!?!)’, I just want to be able to call your name with love and respect and not sarcasm, oh, and I hope I can pronounce our surname, if not, I and my children will bear ‘Chukwu’.

Also since I was 16, I’ve been praying for a strong Christian brother, not a ‘broh’, even the bible says Jesus grew in wisdom and ‘stature’, so gym up swetiee!

Sweerie, I hope you will not be one of those people that will call my blog, ‘that thing I do’, if not we will communicate through the said blog for a month!

Baby, there’s this thing called a shaving stick, I propose you master its usage in certain areas because I will so not be fascinated by the dense forest growing under your arm.

Yes, honey, I hope M.I and Waje didn’t fool you oh…….Im not a materialistic girl as you will find out, but don’t even try that one naira line oh. I’m not saying, you have to be a millionaire or anything like that, because, even if you are still starting out, I’ll be right beside you, but pls don’t be a lazy man!

And ehmmm on the reverse of the above point, I hope you will not end the relationship before we even start out by hinting or outrightly asking me to be a housewife, because THAT WILL SOOOOO NOT WORK! My father spent a good amount of money on my education, we are talking 7-8 digits so no matter how much you just want to see my face, I’ll give you a life size pic of me, or better still a hologram! And don’t worry about raising our kids, as you will find out, my mama did a very good job and she still is in banking.

Babe, I also hope you aren’t one of those people who get angry and start breaking stuff, or else, there’ll be no interior deco in the house, or, better still, when you feel the urgent need to hear the crashing breaking sound of stuff, please stay out of my kitchen! And don’t even touch any of my artwork (yea boo, wifey also paints).

……O.K, I know it seems like I’m over demanding, but don’t worry, I promise not to disturb your football matches, infact, I promise to specially bake for you and chill your fav beer……oh wait, wait, wait, I’m sorry, boo, I seriously hope…..Oh goodness, I’m fervently praying you aren’t carrying a potbelly in place of your tummy, if you are, ASAP enroll in a gym nearby and kindly deliver of whatever you are carrying. I mean how are we supposed to be telling every visitor that visits when I’m pregnant that I’m the one carrying the child!

I’m sorry for that, twas really important, yea, I also promise to know when its time with the boys, and give you some space. I promise to always look good for you, and don’t worry, I aint burning no hole in your wallet. I promise to be as supportive and understanding as can be, I also promise to give my opinions and not force them on you, but I don’t promise not to say ‘I told you so’, when you go against my opinions and something bad happens……

In all swetiee, I’ll be a good wifey.

Yours………….for better, for worse

A.D