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Friday, 26 October 2012


Everyday I watch people make very avoidable mistakes, mistakes primarily rooted in bad company, or wrong company. In life, there are 3 kinds of people, even Jesus our master had theses classes of people in His cabinet.
The Comrades: Now these are category my sister would call ‘frenemies’, they aren’t your enemies neither are they  your friends, they are the people you come across who are in your life just cauz you both have a common enemy, an example would be, the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), now in this group, we have all sorts of denominations of ‘Christians’, both those with similar beliefs and those with conflicting beliefs, this association brings them all under one umbrella to fight a common enemy, it will be a great disservice to oneself to consider a comrade as  friend.
Constituents:  This is the category of people often mistaken to be opportunists, the truth is that they may seem so, but they are there for purpose, these people love your vision, they love your ambition, they are the ones who, really will work for you, these people are with you when the going is good, they will HELP you, build your vision, but as good as they may seem, it is only good we take advantage of these set of people and utilize their seeming “love” for us, cos the truth is they only love your persona, not necessarily your person, these people should on no condition be confused with the next category of people, they are only there to help your vision, not necessarily your person, on no account should you expose your weakness to them, as helpful as they may seem, they can cause a man’s downfall.
One funny thing about constituents is that at first glance everyone criticizes them, but the truth is that EVERONE get to be a constituent in someone else’s life. Jesus was the only human who walked this earth and was a confidant to all
One must be very careful to determine and categorize each person accordingly, one of the very subtle reasons for high rate of divorces is because men marry their constituents, and then when the going gets tough, they vamoose.
Confidants: yes, just like their names, these are the real friends, the ones to show your weakness to, the ones to get married to, the ones who love your persona and your person, sometimes they don’t even necessarily benefit from you, they are put in your life to make you a better person, these are the ‘kepeers’, but unfortunately, because most times, people get more ‘attention’ from their constituents, they confuse these people’s place in their lives. So you have most guys marrying their constituents and when anything happens, it seems like these people never even loved themselves.
From a concerned youth,
Yours Sincerely,

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Step into my thoughts 2

Yello dear readers, Step into my head is a series of my random thoughts,we had the first one here. I will be pouring them out occasionally and we would also love to hear your own thoughts too.
  • What is it that people are always chewing in their sleep? Seriously speaking oh, and I'm not talking about all dem Africa magic, Nollywood  kinda sleep, I'm talking real life sleep, 'on the job' sleep or even the type of sleep we call 'crash'. The other day I happened to be in the room while my sister was sleeping and she was trying to change her position when I noticed her moving her mouth and making noises in the same manner as seen when eating a delicacy and to crown it all, after chewing, my lovely sister swallowed, and I kid you not, she actually swallowed. I had to leave the place cos the laughter that would follow would definitely wake her up. And no one needed to tell me that, that sleep was sweet! 
  • TGIS : stop googling it joor, TGIS simply means Thank God It's Sunday. I know some of you are wondering how TGI can ever be followed by a day such as Sunday, well it should, and dats my own contribution to the growing world of 'laziness inspired abbreviations'. Who even started this whole madness sef, it's everywhere, even for serious matters like consoling the bereaved, we see things like TH, meaning Take Heart, or BS meaning Be Strong......ok, I just came up with those, but don't be surprised if it is already a thing. There are even the ones that drive me nuts, like 'k', what in God's name happened to the 'o' or even the 'ay' behind the 'k'.
  • This is quite true though

And then they push guys to extents that they do this
Just to impress, na aw oh 
  • Ehennnn, I recently heard a song oh, I hear it's by Justin Beiber oh, dat the name is long as you love me. Hmmmn, Justin shouldn't come to Nigeria and be singing that song oh, imagine lines like.
'As long as you love me, we can be starving, we can be homeless, we can be broke, as long as you love, you'll be my platinum, you'll be your silver, you'll be gold.

Hmmm, I have no words to say.....we can be homeless, hmmn, brother Justin, no be so for naija oh, I'm sure dat song won't even trend in naija, here, homeless, starving and he even just summarized it all and said broke, Kai Kai, wen your mates are singing 'you MUST chop my money', you are inviting the poor babe to poverty. He didn't even make it subtle like MI and Waje. Justin, stop am if na joke oh.

I also understand the idea of introducing oneself saying 'my names are......', I feel its veryyyyyy wrong, a name (full name) consists of a 1st and last name, though different, they are still one and the same person, its just that, the more the number of names, the more specific and distinct the identification. Infact that is one of my greatest and 'hughest' (if there even a word like that) turn offs for me, what is 'my names are.....', kai #shrughs in irritation, but I think that one is even better, what in God's name is 'I am name', before
Nko, are u Akpors by specie, abi are you Akpors by gender, what happened to the simple, 'my name is.....' or 'I am.....'Finish, not some yeye English
And i am sure it is one over sabi lesson teacher that started that revolution,chei, Naija my country! Only God can save us sha 



Sunday, 16 September 2012

Win BIG!!!

Ok, it's that time of the year again, it's that time to nominate bloggers for the Nigerian Blog Awards. Dear GNG memoir readers, this is the first time I'll be asking for this, it's a good thing to have awards like this you know :)

Please my dear readers, nominate memoirs of a good naija girl in the Nigerian Blog Awards on the site

The ones I'm eyeing are

Best new blog of the year
Best humor blog

Kpere, I'm not selfish, I just want those two, finish.
I know I've being off the scene for sometime due to final year things, but lemme just remind you guys of some your favorite posts.

Dear future husband
9deadly phrases men use
Pretty women are overrrated

So, pleaseeee, Pweeti please, nominate me :)


Thursday, 13 September 2012


Saying I'm sorry wouldn't even begin to show how sorry I am, I've been caught up in so many things, some important,some, not so important,buh I'm back now,and hopefully, we'll never know a better yesterday.

Ok, so recently I've been into a lot of Yoruba movies, and funny enough I don't exactly understand the language, I have to be super fast to read the subtitles, plenty of which have errors, and I'm not talking typos or mild mistakes, I'm talking '#?!#!#*' kinda errors, cos you can't even understand what the intended message was let alone, correct them. 

This reminded me of an experience during a class in a summer school I and one of my besties organized just to keep body and soul together, we asked one of our students to write a letter to the local govt chiarman as regards the deplorable state of his constituency and methods and bla bla.......just one of those times u need to sleep small n u give the pupils something over their heads to give u enough sleep time :) So the assignment was given and after I had my fill of sweet 'on the job' sleep, I asked for the work.

Dear GNG memoir readers, I still can't understand what she wrote down, I couldnt even form professional teacher, I just had to laugh, poor child, she had written in English alright, buh it was either too outdated to understand or from sometime in the future, I couldn't hold myself, I'm so sorry swerieee. To worsen the matter, my dear pupil ended her letter with 'your Highness', instead of 'yours Sincerely', or the 'yours Faithfully' we all know, and this is no fabrication, true story. Note, she is meant to be in SS2! It is well with Nigeria.

Back to the Koko of this post, I've been watching more of Yoruba movies cos, regardless of what you might say, I think they have the richest of plots for their storylines, yes they might all have diabolical context, buh even in reality, a lot of things are very diabolical indeed, and ignorance is no more bliss but folly and this is not a post to convince you that all you see is not all there is, but that.......nah that exactly what I'm trying to do

You see the devil is very tricky (oh yes I'm preaching now), that's why I always say, if you don't know any greater power source (Jesus of course), don't mock the devil cos he still has rights over some people's lives.
You see, he knew he wouldnt have dominion over everyone so he introduced civilization, urbanization, all the modern things we believe" Scientology, astrology, all, these things which only believe in the seen visible things of the earth, they confine minds to only believe in what they see with their physical eyes, so when he works in the invisible and does evil, they (non-believers) go back to what they know, what he has given, science, reason, all to find tangible visible proofs for works of the invisible.

Ok, I hope I've not confused anyone. Sha, Afmag Yoruba hasn't only made me more aware of the presence of invisible forces, buh has also taught me that;
.not only do actions speak older than words, expressions too. The Yoruba language is so expressive, every word leaves your mouth in very awkward positions, even the word 'Yoruba' leaves your mouth open.
.all you need to do to remember anything is to stare longingly at the ceiling.
.its possible and very doable to have the same hair do for 12years and it'll not become attached to your real hair, it will even have the same, texture, the same color, the same shine.
.its okay for ghosts to have shadows, as far as they have powder poured all over their face and they are wearing white cloth.
.until your voice is loud enough to raise the dead, you aren't angry, or in science terms :) the higher the decibel in your voice, the higher the Intensity of your anger.
And finally, that subtitles are never 100% correct and thus I've learnt the meaning of some words....

Ma ri e laipe :)

Yours........Igbo and proud.

P.s, that simply meant 'see you soon'

Monday, 23 July 2012

Life after the gate!

So to God be the Glory oh, I'm now a graduate of petroleum engineering from a vewi.....controversial higher institution. Let's not go into the details buh, it's the the best private university in Nigeria......see, I told you it was quite controversial, I can see you yimuing at your screen. Arrange your face joor.
Ehnn, as I was saying, June 29 was the historic day oh. Firstly, I never imagined the kind of exhaustion I experienced that day, Jisoxxxx just convocation oh, I'm too scared to imagine wedding sef. It was very memorable, got lotsa awesome gifts and money too ;)

So....I'm back now, and as scary as it sounds, even though I'm still waiting to serve, I'm unemployed, and....damn, this life is not what I envisioned, now I understand why it is believed that students are more buoyant than the unemployed.
It's been a week since I got back home and I guess I've completed my initiation into the brother.....sorry 'sisterhood of the convertible couch' (SCC), u know, convertible couch, in the sense that even though it's a couch, it can be transformed to absolutely anything.....except for *the white house*.

Having gone through the initiation process, i think I should pass the knowledge to intending members ;)

Now the choice of couch should be chosen carefully, anything leather is an absolute no-no. It has a way of making you uncomfortable, and at the sisterhood. We can't have that cauz our motto is 'no place like home' :)

Depending on your membership, choose your couch, for short time members like me, we use couches, really soft warm, cotton fabric upholstery, buh for very long time members, y'all allowed to upgrade to a bed, u know what I mean ( hehehe;) )

Since I'm only a short time member, I only know abt my pips ;)
Now to my fellow couch comrades *raises clenched fist in the air* your couch of choice should at least be able to sit 2, I.e a 2-seater, be close to the essential rooms of the house (restroom and kitchen) and should compulsorily have space for the remotes, yea remotes cos you'll be doing lots of surfing on TV and if you are home alone and dont have younger ones to use like'll definitely need a mobile remote holder both for Convinience and function :)

Other gadgets needed includes your laptop or iAnything, iPad preferably, your phone which must be Internet enabled and, hmmnn........oh yes, recharge card so you can call other pips in the house to get your your food, I mean, i don't think u'ld want to walk allllll the way to the kitchen everytime you need to chew or actually eat :)
So now you have your gadgets, your 'couch sweet couch' and...I think you are good to go.

And to those who think this package is quite demanding and can't quite afford to enjoy this bundle, never mind, there's the weekend package :) same rules, shorter enjoyment, I personally recommend this, I mean, laziness has saved some people's lives ;)

Yours......from my couch


Sunday, 17 June 2012

....So, its Time To Go

Warning: this post is a result of my findings of a particular group of people, events and situations may not be easily relatable.....buh its a good read though :)

 So, when its time to go and Im sure some of you’ll have ur 'stabbing' schedule all planned out….well, from some who’s passed through probably the most dynamic of them all, DON’T STAB, but, if you happen to arrive at the venue way after ‘fashionably late’, its prolly better, u just turn back, cos Im sure u’ve realized for yourself that in ur school, its better never than late and there’s no joke intended in that.

So, as an eagle….wow, it feels awesome typing that, as an eagle, I’ll be dropping some tips for our upcoming eaglets for surviving this season, you might find some of them funny, buh it’ll be great service to u if u heed them… matter how silly.

Point 1: Get an alarm clock, this might sound flimsy n casual, buh trust me, going to bed by 4am, n having to wake up by 6am for church service is no joke, u’ll truly experience what Paul the apostle said meant wen he said, the spirit is willing, buh the flesh is weak!

Point 2: its time for a carry-on shoe, carry-on tie, carry-on blazer, yeah u heard me right, carry-on, something u can put in your bag, laptop bag, handbag, anything, I mean, since u know not the hour or the venue, buh u know that u must appear properly clad in ur royal raiment, its only wise to ‘be prepared’

Point 3: develop a strong sense of hearing. Both for audible sounds and inaudible sounds, there no other situation that’ll describe keep ur ears to the ground than this…….I mean, u could even try hearing people’s thoughts too ;), cos at this period, the hall attendant isn’t the only one who gives reliable info, ur next door neighbor might just have a more reliable info.

Point 4: Forget what Oxford says, solemn can also mean strange, unusual in addition to…..I can t even remember what Oxford says it actually means. Buh what im trying to say is that, in addition to the fact that no two words in the English language mean the same thing, new meanings can pop up at anytime!

Point 5: The hours on the clock have just being bought, yea, during this period, some of the hours on the clock are yours……scratch that, all the hours on the clock are not yours anymore, its their school, so its their time, and that means you can be called up at anytime, from 6am, to 12midnight for purposes like……anything….important stuff, irrelevant stuff, anything, oh yea, silly stuff like ‘Procedure for Community Development for final yr students’, and no I’m not kidding, that actually happened, that meeting was for 10pm and lasted till almost 12am.

Point 6:to the ladies, for your own good, come packing……. for the gents, I guess it just means, come with ur appropriate writing materials, but for the ladies, now here’s you checklist
  • A very good and big bag 
  • A portable slippers, trust me you’ll need it 
  • Gum 
  • Sweets or chocolate 
  • A very good, good book, I really hope u get this part cos this book cant be a boring one. 
  • And last buh not least a….or sorry, that cant fit into a bag. Lets just maje that point 7
Point 7; Now get urself a partner, a seating partner, yea, u know what im saying, a…sorta contract partner, who knows that the partnership has an expiry date, someone who would always light up the boring times, buh also knows when to shut up and listen and who knows something serious might actually start from there. It has to be someone new, not anyone from your normal circle of friends.

Point 8: You know how they say ‘a stitch in time saves nine’…..well, when its time to go, ‘asleep on time saves spine’, lemme explain. During this period you are going to feel like u are just going to fall n faint a lot of times……im sorry, u wont, even though, u’ll still have project stuff going on, and then there are training sessions/classes, u’ll pull through, buh, regardless of the time the evening session ends, wen u get to ur room, SLEEP, don’t form superman or woman, I understand u’ll hav pressing issues, buh pls, catch some sleep, here’s y. You get to ur room still try to do some project work with sleepy eyes n then fall asleep eventually only to hv u roomie wake up (5mins later in sleepworld) to prepare for the morning session, n then u r obviously late n u get there n don’t find a seat, n If u actually do, it’ll be a bad seat n u’ll have nasty back issues in addition to the crappy work u did earlier in the morning which u’ll hv to redo btw. So, u see, asleep on time saves spine.

Point 9: When it come to keeping seats, especially overnight, don’t just do it anyhow, study the art….trust me, its an art, see how its done, the places to keep ur ‘keeping material’, the areas to keep, stuff like that, except of course u want ur keeping material missing, n by keeping material, it could be anything, trust me, ive seen it all, from notebooks to ladies pulled out hair extensions, to guys ties tied securely round the kept seat, and this tie’ll most likely be what they’ll also be wearing throughout the next day (point 2).

Hmmmnn, Im feeling quite wise having poured all that 'wisdom' ;)

I do hope u heed them young eaglets.

...............Yours ever soaring.


Friday, 4 May 2012

The lady in the mirror

I felt u again today…..should be about 9, 10 years since our last encounter.

I thought I had gotten rid of you, but I felt you again today……..the blood rush, heart racing, wicked stammer, visible shaking of the hands, I thought I had gotten rid of you, but I felt you again today.

Merely sitting here, just thinking about it again, I can still feel my hands shaking.

I remember the last time I felt you, you earned me the name ‘slow poison’, which, by God’s mercy was erased from everyone's memory before the next term began. I was in class (this was jss3), minding my own business, and he (*Salam) walked up to me and did something.....I cant even remember what exactly it is he did or said, but I very well remember that within the next 5 mins, I was in my class matron office, on my knees for beating up a boy!

Im smiling now, buh looking back, I still don’t have a stage by stage understanding of how it all happened, all I remember was that my heart started racing, I turned pink, and trust me, this wasn't the good kind of pink, I couldn’t say a word cos I suddenly developed this wicked stammer and I suddenly felt as strong as Atlas (he’s the Greek god said to be carrying the world on his shoulders).
I didn’t actually beat him up, buh trust me, they say I could as well have, the story goes that I hurled a whole ‘locker’ at him (‘locker’ was the term used then for the seats we used in my school).

Though I was still serving punishment, I was still shaking and I couldn’t finish a sentence without opening my mouth to its limits in stutter. I stayed in her office for the whole day cos it took that long for me to kill the stuttering. The only reason I wasn’t severely dealt with was cos I had won best student in her course the previous year, and I was still her best student, plus….I think she had a crush on my dad!

Back to the present and I’m here, and just like the nine-tailed fox in Naruto, charging up, buh I’m stuck, stuck at the 7th gate, pitying the prey to be destroyed, buh then I think and I realize…..its barely 2 months to my convocation, n I couldn’t afford no scandal, besides……life is too short.
Too short for frivolities and too long to leave with the consequences of mistakes made. On everyone’s tombstone is written

‘Yadi yadiyada’

Life is just a dash, putting someone in ‘the hospital way’ wouldn’t make the dash on my tombstone longer or fatter, it’ll still be, just a dash.

So, today I felt you again, I felt rage, but God prevailed

Yours……..ever calm


Just a lil sumfin sumfin....

*coughs while dusting cobwebs* kai, oh boy see well fed spiders, mehn, its being a while, n I know u don’t want me to yarn extra dust as the one on my blog is enough, oya sorry, e ma binu, buh the truth is that I have very good reasons oh. I’m in my final year oh, like final semester of 500lvl……if u don’t want to understand, then yimu to u, lol.

So this is just a lil something something. I wrote this way back, like 3 years ago.


Its my stomach not yours, don't measure my pocket with my plate, I just might have other priorities like a reserve on history's slate.

Besides better rice and beans in peace, than grilled turkey and ketchup in war. Yeah, the one that happens behind the 'convenience door'

A cube of sugar in a jug of tea is the same in a cup pf tea, in the end, its still a cube of sugar in tea, its just the size we see.

So next time you see the size of my plate, just remember its all in my priorities and how I relate

Yours always,


Monday, 5 March 2012

Yayyyyy, my 1st award

OM blessed G, Ms Infamous of just handed me the versatile blogger award, n u cant imagine how happy I am, I was doing project work oh, but I think this is a bigger project bringing returns way before envisaged payback time......sorry, too much book things.

So the basic rules are;

1. Nominate 15 fellow bloggers.

2. Inform the bloggers of their nomination.

3. Share 7 random things about yourself.

4. Thank the blogger who nominated you.

5. Add the Versatile Blogger Award pic on your blog post.

Here are my 15

Perfect randomness (7 random things.....get it)

I talk to myself sometimes.......hey, hey, relax joor, im very sane, its just needed sometimes you know, I even hear its healthy sef.....O.k, Im not sure about that sha but sometimes it helps to just speak to urself, you know, especially those times when the atmosphere is so quiet, its over the roof loud.

I loooooveeee art, shout out to one of the best art groups.....heck, the best art group, this side of mother earth, MIEN art, u guys are the best joor, dont mind those people that think all we do is play around with UHU and paint in Chapel till 10pm.

As untrue as it might seem.....I think I am a mushy romantic.....I guess i'm just to stubborn to admit it....note to futurehusband, this doesnt mean you will force me to watch titanic with u oh, there's a reason I still havent finished that movie.....its just too SAD!

I think alllll the literally speaking, even when I want to sleep, I have to consciously shut those wheels in my head from turning, its like its constantly churning out stuff, ideas, scenarios, fantasies, plenty things....o.k, this is quite funny, when I was younger....o.k, not so long ago, maybe 2. 3 years back, I even used to make up scenarios where I'll be in trouble, not too serious sha, the kind that is probable to occur in my environment, but i'll then come up with all the punch lines plausible to come out victorious! Weird ba, yea, yea I know

I loveee my parents, I know every one claims to, but I actually really trully love those guys.I love them for so many things, especially for the kinda upbringing they gave us. We were not born with silver spoons or any of such, but my mum espacially, taught us how to be content with whatever we had, teaching us to nurse and carter for our bronze spoons so much so that they now shine like gold ones :)

I used to almost be a tom-boy, it took me close to 2, 3 years to completely take the slouch outta my posture, loved rock n didnt give a croocked smile about what peole thought about me, didnt really like boys, they just all seemed like dogs! I said 'seemed' oh, so pls dont crucify me. But thanks to my besties Jalabia and 23, Je sius madmoiselle.

I absolutely Love the Lord, He's being several things to me at different times, there was the best friend/boyfriend phase, the father phase, the Lord and Master phase, in all He's been so faithful, so faithful I know I dont deserve any of His love cos I've been on a roller coaster walk with Him.
Therefore, dear Lord, Sweet sweet Jesus, the password to my life....both literally and metaphorically speaking, I dedicate this to ya mwah.....

Yours.........ever humbled,


Friday, 13 January 2012

Just a lil humour while we 'occupy'

List of most hilarious church names in Nigerian culled from STREAM magazine of covenant university mass comm. department
Jehova Sharp sharp min
Hurricane miracle min
Healing tsunami min
Satan in trouble min
Fist of fury min
Run for your life min
The yoke must broke ministries……….yesso its no typo, its broke not break, chai *shakes head in pity*
By fire, by fire min
David killed Goliath min
My brother is a Christian Church of God…..ok, I’m not sure this one is real oh
Fellowship of the wings…..abeg oh, doesn’t this sound like a coven?!
High Tension ministries………..hmmmnn it is well oh
Devil go hear am Jesus min
Accredited Church of God…..wait, wait, lngkmfh, who did the accreditation, National Union of Churches abi, chai, rotflol.
Chukwudi and son evangelical min (igbo man no dey carry last)………it was culled from a magazine oh no be me oh
Ministry of the naked wire
Laboratory church of God
Go and tell Ahab that Elijah is here min…….ok, after that, then…..ahhh, naijerians
God is real min (motto: Jesus no get muscle but he get power)
Fire burn ministries
Jesus the landlord ministries
Happy go lucky Church of God almighty in Jesus name amen…….I was just as puzzled as u are when I first read this
Strong Hand of God ministries
Best spot in the land church of God
Trigger happy min (motto: always firing the devil)
Kasaburu Church of God……remember it was culled from somewhere oh, no be me oh
Seven thunders of Jesus
El-shaddai shall not die ministries
Best of the year
A very merry, bomb-free, subsidy full new year to all my beloved readers. Yes, I know it’s a lil late for a new year compliement, but I still wish you guys the best..