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Monday, 1 September 2014

Lord of the Rings

Growing old does a lot of things to you, I viewed events that happened quite differently than I would have just last year. One of the things I noticed is that, mehn, girls dey hustle. Not even money hustle, ring hustle, its like having a real Lord of the Rings contest. An engagement ring is somewhat valued even above a marriage ring.

Like I told a friend of mine, if only ladies knew thet true role of wives, that they are the foundation of a home, they pray more tham priests and sleep less than guards. If only someone told them, maybe we would reduce the statistics of broken homes, especially among Christians (of which that word has lost its potency, thats gist for another day). Wives grow to become mothers, who raise children who are meant to be properly raised to avoid this generation of men with committment phobia and truck load of baggage.

Im not married.....yet, but as a good observer and from experience, I think Ive leant a few things i'll love to share with y'all.

There are quite a few but the one I'ld love to share this important one. Ladies, NOT ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD LEAD TO MARRIAGE I write in upper case for very serious emphasis. Lot of times, you realise that the seriousness of the said relationship is all your (the lady) effort. I've come to realize that when a lady demands committment and succeeds in getting it, its rarely stable, but when its the lad who shows the committment and who is the serious one, its lasts (because, the woman's committment is almost sure when she sees that her man is serious).
A wise man once told me, even in the Bible, what God requested from the womenfolk in marriage is respect for the man not love. Please dont get me wrong, love is the bedrock of the relationship but for marriage, its respect for the man not just love. When the man loves you, its vital. Thats why God himself requests love from the man cos He knows mans make-up. A friend once told me, babe, 'a woman shouldn't marry the man she  loves the most, but should marry the man who loves her most'
Women love easily, its our genetic make up, thats even why sometimes we see ladies fall in love with the guy who raped them! Weird but true.

I know sometimes its difficult not to imagine marriage with the level of seriousness, I mean, you might even have his mum on bbm, you might even have his engagement ring, but in the mist of all these, we shouldnt loose sight of the red lights and negative signs, dating or courtship period is the only time we have the power over a relationship, once you say 'I do', omo steering don change hand o.

That you guys are serious doesnt mean, y'all are altar bound. Some relationships are just there to groom you for the real deal. Sometimes, the girl endures all the crap the guy displays so she can endure the bullshit in marriage with her real guy. Sometimes the guy learn to tolerate all the nonsense the lass dishes so he can truly tolerate his real wifey's real mess up.

That you've been together for 5, 6 or even 8 years doesnt mean, he must marry you, come to think of it, the rest of your life is quite a long time compared to 8 years.

Not all serious relationship should lead to the altar. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. My two shillings.
Shine ya eye ladies.


Yours..........

A.D

Friday, 22 August 2014

What Women Want Revealed.....Honestly o



BREAKING NEWS; After crossing seven galaxies and seven dimensions, the true summary of 'what women want is finally here'. At no extra cost, what women want in 3 words, Attention, Affection, Appreciation....





I know it will not make sense if I just barge in here and start blabbing when I've left you guys hanging for over a year, My darlings, abeg *kneeling down with both hands raised and eyes closed* forgive me biko.

You know life is very one kain, lol. Ive actually missed you guys, I'm running one kain M.Sc like that ehnnn, exams every blessed week! No jokes *straight face*


Ehennn, back to the crux of the matter, I posted the above on my Facebook wall and got some responses, some very interesting responses, but I still believe that Attention, Affection, and Appreciation are the best summary of what a woman wants that men can ever get.


Maybe a little explanation will help you agree.

Attention.....Do I even need to explain this one, every guy knows that the number one thing women strive for is attention,evidence is clearly seen in the booming, so called human hair and fake buttocks industry, but God is trying sha, watching all these and granting second chances. Some guys even have extra understanding in this area and reverse it to their advantage, Lemme show you.

Titi, Sola and Bisi are close friends with 'attractiveness coeff' (this is the result of too much book) of 4, 6 and 8, in that order, and along comes Dave, Tall, Dark, Handsome and might I add Rich, lol, for our vast category of readers, with eyes (seemingly) only for Titi, making Bisi who's quite a stunner, wonder what the problem is....and no we are assuming, no Jazz is involved. So when Dave is sure he has Bisi's attention, it will only take one (probably lousy) attempt for her to agree.....chai, women have suffered!

I see some of you didn't even know this.....Oya pay up.

Attention is in listening to her, being there for her, even attention to the way she wants to be loved, what I consider love might be insignificant or even freaky to another and vice versa.


Affection....has caused me quite a few heart cracks *sad face* and should not be confused with Attention, ladies, that he's always nice to you doesn't mean that he loves you, you could be an option when he's bored. My opinion. Actions speak louder than words, but words confirms and consolidates actions. There's nothing sexier than a man who loves a woman and knows how she loves to be loved and isn't afraid to show let the world see that he loves her. Affection is quite crucial. If she wants PDA, biko show it to her, If she loves pet names, give her exotic ones, if she like them both, shower them on her, she'll truly love you for that.


Appreciation.....most guys actually don't get this. Wikipedia defines it thus 'recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something', that she's a good cook, doesn't mean that she was brought to the world for your endless supply of banga soup and starch. Appreciate her even though I know you feel it's her duty (man matter tire me sha, you never marry am o, but she don already get 'duty'). In all, appreciate her and she will naturally respect you, naturally.


Diligent follow through of the A.D's triple A rule will make sure your woman isn't a bother but a blessing.


Note o: This theory was compounded with the following Assumptions

1) No jazz is involved, whether by red and yellow wearing priest or red and bare bodied baba. No juju.

2) Y'all have have gone past the money wahala. The lass has accepted your economic conditions.

3) You are not a mama's boy (if you aren't sure you aren't, then you are!)


Yours.......always a blessing



A.D

From a place of hurt


Not all feelings have words ascribed to them.......I'm experiencing one right now. The closest word however would be 'hopeless'. They say when life hands you lemons, you make lemonades, what if life hands you vinegar, what do you make out of them.

I was always quick to judge and criticize those chicks I saw on TV who became so helpless and hopeless when they got their hearts broken. 'My heart can never be broken', I'd say, 'it cant even be given to anyone not to talk of been broken cos it got in the wrong hands', I'd retort.

'Shut up, stupid!'. I'm sure that's what present me would be shouting to past me.
Indeed I had high walls, walls so high, even the great Chinese walls would be a joke, the ones in Jericho, LEGO.

But don't blame me, he's so skillfully, walked right in.....through the front gate! Drunk in whatever it was, I welcomed him in and locked all the doors so no one would disturb us.....Now the worst has happened and the keys are no where to be found, and these walls are so high, I cant throw him over.
The same walls I built to protect me, are the same ones fighting against me.

But no, i wont roll over and die, I'll be strong, i'll take up a new good hobby, i'll keep my head high, i'll make an awesome result, i'll turn this feeling to something good, i'll make a wine of this vinegar.


From a place of hurt and despair......your still....


A.D

Sunday, 19 May 2013

Number 2


Here I am, surrounded by all these great people; fashion tycoons, talk show giants, philanthropist, photography icons, TV giants, Tech Whiz, everybody here has a dream, a vision, one burning desire or the other, they are all talking about passion and purpose. I know I have one of those too, I’m know im special too, but I can’t seem to lay my hands on it, maybe I wasn’t meant to have one, maybe we all aren’t meant to have a passion….But the preacher said God made everyone for something, that we all have a purpose and we should find it in order to start living.

…..Well Preacher man, I’ve been searching a long long time for mine, gotten frustrated, seems I’ve got the proverbial hand of Midas I’m frustratingly good at everything I set out to do: Fine arts, Writing, Modeling, Speaking, Music…hold up, I haven’t tried music, maybe my passion is in music……but what if its not, what if its just a hobby just like the others, what if im just meant to lead the bathroom all stars choir like every other aspirant like me *fist bump in the air*

Been thinking a lot lately and Ive realized something, the preacher man lied.

Yeah I said it, they all lied, we cant all be number one, we cant all be ‘bests’, if we r all billionaires, who will work for us, if no one will do 9-5 jobs (which in reality is 7:30am-6pm or 7pm depending on the distance to your house) then who will work for the visionaries, If everyone wants to be 2baba, who will buy his CDs, If everyone wants to be Mark Zucherberg, who will use Facebook?

I might not be the number 1 artist or writer/blogger or speaker, but I know one thing that’s the only thing that can pass for a burning desire and passion, I know I love to help others get to be number 1, maybe that’s the almighty calling on my life, to help people achieve their dreams, to lend my shoulders to others to climb, to be the number 2 in the background, the Bartholomew among the disciples of Jesus, the Gail to Oprah,
It will be tough I know, backstage isn’t full of camera and lights, no one is really interested in what goes on there….ok, maybe just a few, but Its ok, I find fulfillment being the one who smacks your head and tells you ‘yes you can’

So in the mean time, Imma go try out music outside the bathroom *wink*

Your number 1 fan,


A.D

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

All men are NOT the same!


*Wipes dust off face* Im sooooo sorry I've been away, life just went on like a roller coaster, graduated, went to camp and now im serving somewhere above the confluence state  :-). But I'm serving now, and I've got access to superfast internet 24/7....ermmm, sorry 10/6 :-) and I have loads to rant and muse about.

Was at a church program some Sundays back and, my Pastor asked a very stunning question and I’m going to ask you too.

Do you know how many people will cheat on their partners if they knew they’ll never be caught?

You might not be sure of the stats, but you just might, right? And more shocking is the awfully painful truth I realized after the service. Men, especially in this part of the Niger, cheat simply because they can!

Let me explain,

Mr G is a 5’6 typical Nigerian man, married to the Mrs and they have 3 children to show for the 9 years of marriage, all boys btw. So it happens that Mr G is bored with his wife and wants a lil sumfin sumfin by the side, a lil more curve, a lil more whatever you guys call it, but note, Mr G has a very healthy and well rounded ‘one pack’ and since he’s an average Nigerian man who is expected to be a regular 'eba swallower', its allowed to have a pot belly.

Now to the Mrs, with grateful hearts to the big J, she has kids by him, and none look like the neighbor neither are they all gurls, buh JUST BECAUSE she has gained ‘some’ over the years and….maybe she has a few bicycle tires on her waist, then he gets tired and blames the quenching love life on her……..what about him, is it cos she’s tryna be a Prov 31 woman that he doesn’t know that she also wants an Idris Elba or a Chris Attoh, camaaan, cut her plenty slack, child bearing is no joke, I always hear guys talk about how we women let ourselves go, well, men let go too, *rolling my head*. And so he gets a younger gurl who’s still got some curves and then the Mrs hears and when she complains to her own mother, she has this to say

“Take it easy my dear, men are all the same, you have to bear with him, all men cheat, he’ll grow out of it, even your father had 1, it’s what makes us the wives, you have to be mature about it”

My 1st reaction is @#$%^*!@ ARE YOU KIDDING, but then again, this is real talk, real life and then Oga himself is not even ashamed, feels it’s his right and expects her to understand, even the society doesn’t frown on it as much as it frowns when the Mrs is the one ‘eating out’, camaann, its not fair, I don’t believe all men are the same, and why can’t he be the mature one, how old does he have to grow till he matures, some of these men are grandpas, I mean Wikipedia says the ratio of men to women in Nigeria is 1.04, which means there are more males than females, isn’t he even happy he got one, I mean…whats happening is not fair, but I don’t even know who to  point at, the women are suffering alright, but they are also the contributors and the men being men are just riding on the wings of our own handmade theory.

Its still sounds insane, but there are still women out there with this school of thought, ‘I know you are cheating, but please be smart about it’, O honey *in Marshall Ericsson’s voice*, even if he’s smart about not getting caught, what about the STDs, what about all the money he’s spending on her, yes, what about it mehn. I used to be part of those women who say, if you cheat, pls be smart about it, but then I realized, it’s a silly thing to think, not all men are the same!

Men, over the years, knowingly or unknowingly built the notion that a woman should basically know how to cook clean, and generally run a home, just by expecting it! We can do the same, cheating isn’t natural, its not ‘a mans thing’ and pls don’t gimme that crap about different pots of soup, I have bitterleaf, efo and edikaikong soup in the freezer, tell me when you are hungry.


Yours……..ever loving :)


A.D

Friday, 26 October 2012

Frenemy

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Everyday I watch people make very avoidable mistakes, mistakes primarily rooted in bad company, or wrong company. In life, there are 3 kinds of people, even Jesus our master had theses classes of people in His cabinet.
The Comrades: Now these are category my sister would call ‘frenemies’, they aren’t your enemies neither are they  your friends, they are the people you come across who are in your life just cauz you both have a common enemy, an example would be, the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), now in this group, we have all sorts of denominations of ‘Christians’, both those with similar beliefs and those with conflicting beliefs, this association brings them all under one umbrella to fight a common enemy, it will be a great disservice to oneself to consider a comrade as  friend.
Constituents:  This is the category of people often mistaken to be opportunists, the truth is that they may seem so, but they are there for purpose, these people love your vision, they love your ambition, they are the ones who, really will work for you, these people are with you when the going is good, they will HELP you, build your vision, but as good as they may seem, it is only good we take advantage of these set of people and utilize their seeming “love” for us, cos the truth is they only love your persona, not necessarily your person, these people should on no condition be confused with the next category of people, they are only there to help your vision, not necessarily your person, on no account should you expose your weakness to them, as helpful as they may seem, they can cause a man’s downfall.
One funny thing about constituents is that at first glance everyone criticizes them, but the truth is that EVERONE get to be a constituent in someone else’s life. Jesus was the only human who walked this earth and was a confidant to all
One must be very careful to determine and categorize each person accordingly, one of the very subtle reasons for high rate of divorces is because men marry their constituents, and then when the going gets tough, they vamoose.
Confidants: yes, just like their names, these are the real friends, the ones to show your weakness to, the ones to get married to, the ones who love your persona and your person, sometimes they don’t even necessarily benefit from you, they are put in your life to make you a better person, these are the ‘kepeers’, but unfortunately, because most times, people get more ‘attention’ from their constituents, they confuse these people’s place in their lives. So you have most guys marrying their constituents and when anything happens, it seems like these people never even loved themselves.
From a concerned youth,
Yours Sincerely,
A.D

Saturday, 22 September 2012

Step into my thoughts 2

Yello dear readers, Step into my head is a series of my random thoughts,we had the first one here. I will be pouring them out occasionally and we would also love to hear your own thoughts too.
  • What is it that people are always chewing in their sleep? Seriously speaking oh, and I'm not talking about all dem Africa magic, Nollywood  kinda sleep, I'm talking real life sleep, 'on the job' sleep or even the type of sleep we call 'crash'. The other day I happened to be in the room while my sister was sleeping and she was trying to change her position when I noticed her moving her mouth and making noises in the same manner as seen when eating a delicacy and to crown it all, after chewing, my lovely sister swallowed, and I kid you not, she actually swallowed. I had to leave the place cos the laughter that would follow would definitely wake her up. And no one needed to tell me that, that sleep was sweet! 
  • TGIS : stop googling it joor, TGIS simply means Thank God It's Sunday. I know some of you are wondering how TGI can ever be followed by a day such as Sunday, well it should, and dats my own contribution to the growing world of 'laziness inspired abbreviations'. Who even started this whole madness sef, it's everywhere, even for serious matters like consoling the bereaved, we see things like TH, meaning Take Heart, or BS meaning Be Strong......ok, I just came up with those, but don't be surprised if it is already a thing. There are even the ones that drive me nuts, like 'k', what in God's name happened to the 'o' or even the 'ay' behind the 'k'.
  • This is quite true though

And then they push guys to extents that they do this
Just to impress, na aw oh 
  • Ehennnn, I recently heard a song oh, I hear it's by Justin Beiber oh, dat the name is ehnnnn.....as long as you love me. Hmmmn, Justin shouldn't come to Nigeria and be singing that song oh, imagine lines like.
'As long as you love me, we can be starving, we can be homeless, we can be broke, as long as you love, you'll be my platinum, you'll be your silver, you'll be gold.


Hmmm, I have no words to say.....we can be homeless, hmmn, brother Justin, no be so for naija oh, I'm sure dat song won't even trend in naija, here, homeless, starving and he even just summarized it all and said broke, Kai Kai, wen your mates are singing 'you MUST chop my money', you are inviting the poor babe to poverty. He didn't even make it subtle like MI and Waje. Justin, stop am if na joke oh.

I also understand the idea of introducing oneself saying 'my names are......', I feel its veryyyyyy wrong, a name (full name) consists of a 1st and last name, though different, they are still one and the same person, its just that, the more the number of names, the more specific and distinct the identification. Infact that is one of my greatest and 'hughest' (if there even a word like that) turn offs for me, what is 'my names are.....', kai #shrughs in irritation, but I think that one is even better, what in God's name is 'I am ......by name', before
Nko, are u Akpors by specie, abi are you Akpors by gender, what happened to the simple, 'my name is.....' or 'I am.....'Finish, not some yeye English
And i am sure it is one over sabi lesson teacher that started that revolution,chei, Naija my country! Only God can save us sha 


  Yours.......thoughtfully,

A.D

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Win BIG!!!


Ok, it's that time of the year again, it's that time to nominate bloggers for the Nigerian Blog Awards. Dear GNG memoir readers, this is the first time I'll be asking for this, it's a good thing to have awards like this you know :)


Please my dear readers, nominate memoirs of a good naija girl in the Nigerian Blog Awards on the site http://nigerianblogawards.com/register.php


The ones I'm eyeing are

Best new blog of the year
Best humor blog

Kpere, I'm not selfish, I just want those two, finish.
I know I've being off the scene for sometime due to final year things, but lemme just remind you guys of some your favorite posts.

Dear future husband
Dozie
9deadly phrases men use
Pretty women are overrrated
Crushed
Enter-scare-ment.

So, pleaseeee, Pweeti please, nominate me :)

Yours........sincerely
A.D