Regrowing the Umbilical Cord

Its a Saturday afternoon with nothing to do, Feranmi is seated at his work desk staring into space but fully aware of the location of his smart phone. The phone dings and his neck twitches, but his gaze unfazed as though he remembers.

"Guy ignore the phone"

"Addiction no be only cocaine o"

"See as your body dey shake"

"Oya stand up give me 3 reps of push ups"

Feranmi and his inner voices have condemning and uplifting conversations.

He quickly jerks up and hits the floor and while on the second rep, another ding sounds simultaneously with a ring at the door. He quickly jumps up and runs to the door muttering "Thank you Jesus" under his breath.

"Guy how far ?", its Jonathan his accountability partner/fellow phone addict/best friend

"Omoooo, this thing hard o. How did we get here? Where your own phone Jona?" Feranmi asks

"Ah, I leave am for house, I buy one small kpalasa, see am", Jonathan says as he flashes his 2-day old feature phone, "at least for calls and texts. To think that it took your niece to let grown men realize their addiction" replies Jonathan.

"Again I ask, how did we get here?" Feranmi asks as they both sink into the sofa in Feranmi's living room.

Just then a very faint ding rings, vaguely audible to the human ear but deafening to the new rehab patients. Simultaneously, they both twitch their heads, look at each other and burst into a hearty laugh.

"Why you never off that thing?"

"I don try but what of Cynthia"

"Wait, you didn't tell her? You didn't tell your fiancée that you were going on a screen fast? Even now that we're here, if she's indeed the one sending that message, are you supposed to answer abi you're now telepathic. Wow, Glory was right, your sense don reduce."

"Na your own sense reduce" retorts Feranmi

"But honestly though, you should have told her, you don't just go off on women like that, if she's anything like my sister, she go don think plenty scenarios full her head. You better call her."

Feranmi gets up to get his phone but is pulled back by Jonathan as he hands him his own phone, he dearly beloved kpalasa.

The above scene depicts the sad yet common realities of a lot of adults in todays generation. Even more sad is the fact that only very few admit to the truth of addiction to their devices. It's as though, over the years and with each 'brilliant' app launch, we weave a new umbilical cord tied to our phones.

If as adults, we become addicted to our devices, how then can we be able to help the next generation. Research has shown a plethora of information on the dangers of excessive use of smartphones, but with the debut of every 'life-changing' app, it becomes more and more of a necessary evil.

The aim of this post isn't to demonize smart phones but to highlight what the good Book says, 'Let your moderation be know to all men.'

PS...Isn't it ironic that you have to read this on a smart phone, lol. Remember however, that the same snake that bit the Israelites in the wilderness is the same that had to be molded for them to gaze upon to get their healing.

Ihunaya na Ihe (Love and Light)

Yours in recovery,

A.D

All things, for my GOOD!

 

In my little sojourn here on Abba's precious green dot, I have realized that one of the most powerful things to understand is that, there are always 2 sides to every event. Becoming a widow at 28 was one of the most powerful things that happened to me at that point and I got to understand that GRIEF is such a powerful emotion (ok, I've used powerful a lot, lol, but I hope you get the point). It plunged me into my second faith crisis. The first was plainly due to curiosity (I read some material that carried me go where I no know and I wasn't strong enough to understand the purpose or ask myself the right questions).

I was at a gathering of amazing young women a while back and someone emphatically said, 'All bad things come from the devil', while I don't necessarily disagree, my contemplation was on whether she had a fair measurement on what she labelled as bad. Let me explain with a story.

In Lagos, there are 2 very big scam statements - 

    The Island = enjoyment and 

    All weekends are lit.

While you can argue on the latter, the former is so factual that it's a sure conversation starter with any Lagosian (Try it and come and testify). The reason the Island does not emphatically equal enjoyment, asides the massive false lifestyle, is the TRAFFIC, and the exorbitant prices of EVERYTHING! Stay with me pls. On this faithful day on Fashola's Island are 2 young men, lets call them Mr A and Mr B. 

A lirru backstory - Mr A is a graduate of University of, sorry, a Federal University (before una wipe me USB), Computer Science, Second Class upper graduate, life has happened to him and he needs N9,500 to be able to enter night bus to go to PH for an interview. His dad's debtors have threatened to take his 13 year old sister as wife and needless to say that his whole family has fasted and prayed that he gets it and as a sharp guy, he believes he will. 

Mr B is a 40 year old tech bro, married to the female, (its important to specify these days 🙄) love of his life, who was diagnosed 🤦(abeg, help me put another fancy word) with PCOS, thus she medically has issues conceiving, amidst suffering depression other mental health issues because she's pushing 40 too, she miraculously conceives and is near full term (what God cannot do does not exist, I'm sorry I couldn't resist 😄).

The interview is tomorrow, Mr A has already rescheduled twice and the company has been gracious enough to indulge him twice. He rescheduled because he couldn't meet up with sales. 

Mr A is popcorn hawker on Lekki-Epe. 

Mr B's wife has been having slight pains on her right lower side and this morning, she starts bleeding and also complains of intense abdominal pain. 

Mr A specifically prayed that God created the biggest TRAFFIC Google map has ever seen so he can be able to make up his balance and make the interview. 

Mr B, while rushing his wife into the car is frantically praying he somehow maneuvers every TRAFFIC and is able to get to the hospital before his wife passes out.

Now back to you, dear reader, assuming you are able to choose, knowing fully well, the consequences of your decision, which will it be - traffic, or no traffic?

True, the Bible speaks on how all good and precious gifts come from God, but have you stopped to think that God also created the devil and is STILL letting him live because He has use for him!

After my second crisis of faith, and being painfully introverted, God sent my friends at Heaven's Gate Academy to me and used them to help me understand the weight of the statement 

GOD IS GOOD!

Realizing that like the uniqueness of saltiness to salt, God's goodness is true and pure and like the picture above, He is the only one who is able to see, I mean, truly SEE in all dimensions and do that which is, in its essence, GOOD. If Jesus' death, which was seen at the time as the greatest BAD and even celebrated in hell as victory, was in essence, the greatest GOOD ever done to man, how then, can we truly call a thing, or event, BAD?

Am I happy that my hubby left home and never came back because he died in a car accident at the junction to our house and it was hidden from me for 2 days, absolutely NOT, but I understand that God let it happen for good.

Olakunle Soriyan, my uncle (na lie o, he's someone I realllllyyyy respect and admire and would love to be mentored by him) once spoke about how he doesn't have any prayers against the devil cos they (Uncle K and devil) are both agents reporting to the same boss (but really, I'm serious about being mentored by him, if you can epp me, reach me personally here). So because he understands this, he looks for the purpose in whatever event that happens to him because there always is.

So my dearly beloved, this post don dey long, the aim of my ranting is to let you understand that nothing is really BAD, if you check am well, you just don't know the reason yet....and might never know, and that too is OK. Know this and know peace.

Peace out🤞(I didn't see the peace sign, manage this)

Yours firmly rooted in the Lord Jesus 😇

A.D

 

Nigeria......by a Nigerian

Corruption, Internet scam, Boko Haram, Failed governments, Kidnapping, all these, I’m sure are things that immediately come to mind at the mention of Nigeria, but let me tell you about Nigeria, my country, the land of great intellectuals and heroes.

See Emmanuel Ohuabunwa, a 22 year-old Nigerian who has made history at John Hopkins University, United States of America.

Emmanuel, who hails from Abia State was adjudged as having the highest honors during the graduation that was held on May 24 this year. He made a Grade Point Average of 3.98 out of 4.0 to bag a degree in Neurosciences in the University. For his efforts, he has won a scholarship to Yale University to pursue a degree in Medicine. Besides, he has been inducted into Phi Beta Kappa Society, a prestigious honour group that features membership of 17 US Presidents, 37 US Supreme Court Justices, and 136 Nobel Prize winners.

We can also look at 9-year old Basil Okpara today, at just 9 years-old, Okpara, from Lagos, Nigeria, has built over 30 mobile games, according to a report by the CNN.

At the time of filing this report, the young tech genius was building a hide and seek game, using a free programming application called Scratch 2. It enables users to create games, animations, and stories online or offline. It is through this application that Basil has built his mobile games. After showing interest in learning how to make his own games, Basil’s father bought him a laptop and registered him to learn the basics of building games.
“I learned how to build games at a boot camp. Now, I build to keep me busy when I am bored,” Basil told CNN.

Still think we're a shithole?

What about Nji Collins Abah Nji Collins Gbah of Cameroon has become the first African to win the prestigious Google Code-In-competition.
Google Code-in is an annual programming competition hosted by Google Inc. It is open to all pre-university students aged between 13 to 17 with parental consent. The contest was originally called the “Google Highly Open Participation Contest,” but in 2010, the competition was modified to its current format. Gbah is one of the more than 1,300 young people from 62 countries who took part in the 2016 Google contest, where participants complete 20 tasks split into five different categories.

Lets talk no further, come on over and see Nigeria for yourself.

RHEMA

Scientists have, over the last century, recently discovered that asides gravity, there is something else, stronger, ancient and very mysterious that holds the entire universe together and to show how little their understanding of this mystery is, they are simply calling it DARK MATTER!

Now, dark matter is even believed to be the ‘matter’ from which the universe was made. It is said to be the shaping fabric found everywhere in space. They describe it as clouds and clusters of deep darkness, an ocean of tangible darkness (dark matter), that exploded to give light in the big bang theory; scientists version of the creation of the universe.

This, to scientist is one of the mind blowing discoveries of the century…………I say they are over two thousand years behind! This has ALWAYS been there in the Bible for all to see. Right there in John’s gospel [John 1:1]

It has always been there, explicitly explained:

‘In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth, now the earth was formless and empty, DARKNESS was over the face of the DEEP, and the spirit of GOD was hovering over the WATERS’... [Gen 1:1-2 (NIV)]

It has always been there for us. DARK MATTER = FORMLESS EMPTY DARKNESS

Isn’t God just amazing! The Bible is not just a story book. Start studying the Bible like your life depended on it, because it does, loads of revelations abound. 

Yours...............

Nah this isn't mine, this is Gods', this is Rhema!

A.D

Becoming Mrs…….

Yes, in a couple of days, I’ll be Mrs somebody, and the planning has been #@$%#$%. Jeeeeeeezzz, there’re so many things needed to be done nowadays, you have to;

• have a bridal shower, 
• have asoebi, 
• create hashtag, 
• do pre-wedding shoot, 
• task your bridesmaids and collect ya moni, 
• have committee of friends and task them too, 
• buy wedding gown, 
• rent hall (with prices looking like house rent) and 
• ontop of everything, you still have to arrange for transportation and accommodation for your guests. For heaven’s sake, I don’t think the couple of the wedding at Cana, in the Bible, organized bus for Jesus and his mama, they found their way na.

Everyone sees an intending couple as an avenue to make quick money, the annoying part is that phrase, ‘it’s a once in a lifetime event oh, so do it well’. Of course I want to do it well, but then do I really need bridal shower, do I need pre-wedding video, do I need to take lessons to do dramatic entrance biko, whatever happened to dancing in joyouslywith your hubby. I don’t think my mum had bridal shower and she and my dad are still loving up like teenagers. The pressure in this wedding business is out of this world, chineke! First, they pressure you to marry, ok, ekenedilichikwu, you find man to marry, then they pressure you on things to do for the wedding, and Bella and all those annoying blogs aren’t even helping matters.


Why can’t we just elope and go to a church and be blessed and continue life…………ok I think I’m just venting, I can never elope, not if I’m still my mother’s daughter, because she will pray my plans to scatter and pray me back home! Sounds like jazz, but trust me, its pure and unadulterated prayer. My mum is one of those people that can pray NEPA to bring back the light and, Voila! Yope, I have one of those literal prayer warrior mothers.


Ok, maybe I’m just angry at how much weddings cost these days, no wonder men want to be millionaires before they even start thinking marriage. Everything costs money, even in church, you pay, and the nonsense dollar, abi oil, has affected everything, even tin tomatoes is not as red as it used to be sef, jollof rice in parties these days are looking more and more confused. I’ve come to realize, that those marrying in this economy really love each other. In fact, I won’t be surprised if there are men pegging their marriage to a $100/barrel economy and to those ones I say, wehdone sirs!


Inshort, I’m tired, we’ll share the food and collect gifts right after church, we’ll save the house rent, sorry, hall rent money and payment for DJ and MC and, YESSS save the souvenir sharing episode, y’all don’t need souvenirs to know we are married, the child naming in 9 months should clear all doubts.


Yours…………in transition (like metamorphosis into a wife, not obituary biko)



A.D

Lord of the Rings

Growing old does a lot of things to you, I viewed events that happened quite differently than I would have just last year. One of the things I noticed is that, mehn, girls dey hustle. Not even money hustle, ring hustle, its like having a real Lord of the Rings contest. An engagement ring is somewhat valued even above a marriage ring.

Like I told a friend of mine, if only ladies knew thet true role of wives, that they are the foundation of a home, they pray more tham priests and sleep less than guards. If only someone told them, maybe we would reduce the statistics of broken homes, especially among Christians (of which that word has lost its potency, thats gist for another day). Wives grow to become mothers, who raise children who are meant to be properly raised to avoid this generation of men with committment phobia and truck load of baggage.

Im not married.....yet, but as a good observer and from experience, I think Ive leant a few things i'll love to share with y'all.

There are quite a few but the one I'ld love to share this important one. Ladies, NOT ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD LEAD TO MARRIAGE I write in upper case for very serious emphasis. Lot of times, you realise that the seriousness of the said relationship is all your (the lady) effort. I've come to realize that when a lady demands committment and succeeds in getting it, its rarely stable, but when its the lad who shows the committment and who is the serious one, its lasts (because, the woman's committment is almost sure when she sees that her man is serious).
A wise man once told me, even in the Bible, what God requested from the womenfolk in marriage is respect for the man not love. Please dont get me wrong, love is the bedrock of the relationship but for marriage, its respect for the man not just love. When the man loves you, its vital. Thats why God himself requests love from the man cos He knows mans make-up. A friend once told me, babe, 'a woman shouldn't marry the man she  loves the most, but should marry the man who loves her most'
Women love easily, its our genetic make up, thats even why sometimes we see ladies fall in love with the guy who raped them! Weird but true.

I know sometimes its difficult not to imagine marriage with the level of seriousness, I mean, you might even have his mum on bbm, you might even have his engagement ring, but in the mist of all these, we shouldnt loose sight of the red lights and negative signs, dating or courtship period is the only time we have the power over a relationship, once you say 'I do', omo steering don change hand o.

That you guys are serious doesnt mean, y'all are altar bound. Some relationships are just there to groom you for the real deal. Sometimes, the girl endures all the crap the guy displays so she can endure the bullshit in marriage with her real guy. Sometimes the guy learn to tolerate all the nonsense the lass dishes so he can truly tolerate his real wifey's real mess up.

That you've been together for 5, 6 or even 8 years doesnt mean, he must marry you, come to think of it, the rest of your life is quite a long time compared to 8 years.

Not all serious relationship should lead to the altar. Better a broken relationship than a broken marriage. My two shillings.
Shine ya eye ladies.

Yours..........

A.D

What Women Want Revealed.....Honestly o

BREAKING NEWS; After crossing seven galaxies and seven dimensions, the true summary of 'what women want is finally here'. At no extra cost, what women want in 3 words, Attention, Affection, Appreciation....




I know it will not make sense if I just barge in here and start blabbing when I've left you guys hanging for over a year, My darlings, abeg *kneeling down with both hands raised and eyes closed* forgive me biko.

You know life is very one kain, lol. Ive actually missed you guys, I'm running one kain M.Sc like that ehnnn, exams every blessed week! No jokes *straight face*


Ehennn, back to the crux of the matter, I posted the above on my Facebook wall and got some responses, some very interesting responses, but I still believe that Attention, Affection, and Appreciation are the best summary of what a woman wants that men can ever get.


Maybe a little explanation will help you agree.

Attention.....Do I even need to explain this one, every guy knows that the number one thing women strive for is attention,evidence is clearly seen in the booming, so called human hair and fake buttocks industry, but God is trying sha, watching all these and granting second chances. Some guys even have extra understanding in this area and reverse it to their advantage, Lemme show you.

Titi, Sola and Bisi are close friends with 'attractiveness coeff' (this is the result of too much book) of 4, 6 and 8, in that order, and along comes Dave, Tall, Dark, Handsome and might I add Rich, lol, for our vast category of readers, with eyes (seemingly) only for Titi, making Bisi who's quite a stunner, wonder what the problem is....and no we are assuming, no Jazz is involved. So when Dave is sure he has Bisi's attention, it will only take one (probably lousy) attempt for her to agree.....chai, women have suffered!

I see some of you didn't even know this.....Oya pay up.

Attention is in listening to her, being there for her, even attention to the way she wants to be loved, what I consider love might be insignificant or even freaky to another and vice versa.


Affection....has caused me quite a few heart cracks *sad face* and should not be confused with Attention, ladies, that he's always nice to you doesn't mean that he loves you, you could be an option when he's bored. My opinion. Actions speak louder than words, but words confirms and consolidates actions. There's nothing sexier than a man who loves a woman and knows how she loves to be loved and isn't afraid to show let the world see that he loves her. Affection is quite crucial. If she wants PDA, biko show it to her, If she loves pet names, give her exotic ones, if she like them both, shower them on her, she'll truly love you for that.


Appreciation.....most guys actually don't get this. Wikipedia defines it thus 'recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something', that she's a good cook, doesn't mean that she was brought to the world for your endless supply of banga soup and starch. Appreciate her even though I know you feel it's her duty (man matter tire me sha, you never marry am o, but she don already get 'duty'). In all, appreciate her and she will naturally respect you, naturally.


Diligent follow through of the A.D's triple A rule will make sure your woman isn't a bother but a blessing.


Note o: This theory was compounded with the following Assumptions

1) No jazz is involved, whether by red and yellow wearing priest or red and bare bodied baba. No juju.

2) Y'all have have gone past the money wahala. The lass has accepted your economic conditions.

3) You are not a mama's boy (if you aren't sure you aren't, then you are!)


Yours.......always a blessing



A.D

From a place of hurt

Not all feelings have words ascribed to them.......I'm experiencing one right now. The closest word however would be 'hopeless'. They say when life hands you lemons, you make lemonades, what if life hands you vinegar, what do you make out of them.

I was always quick to judge and criticize those chicks I saw on TV who became so helpless and hopeless when they got their hearts broken. 'My heart can never be broken', I'd say, 'it cant even be given to anyone not to talk of been broken cos it got in the wrong hands', I'd retort.

'Shut up, stupid!'. I'm sure that's what present me would be shouting to past me.
Indeed I had high walls, walls so high, even the great Chinese walls would be a joke, the ones in Jericho, LEGO.

But don't blame me, he's so skillfully, walked right in.....through the front gate! Drunk in whatever it was, I welcomed him in and locked all the doors so no one would disturb us.....Now the worst has happened and the keys are no where to be found, and these walls are so high, I cant throw him over.
The same walls I built to protect me, are the same ones fighting against me.

But no, i wont roll over and die, I'll be strong, i'll take up a new good hobby, i'll keep my head high, i'll make an awesome result, i'll turn this feeling to something good, i'll make a wine of this vinegar.


From a place of hurt and despair......your still....


A.D

Number 2

Here I am, surrounded by all these great people; fashion tycoons, talk show giants, philanthropist, photography icons, TV giants, Tech Whiz, everybody here has a dream, a vision, one burning desire or the other, they are all talking about passion and purpose. I know I have one of those too, I’m know im special too, but I can’t seem to lay my hands on it, maybe I wasn’t meant to have one, maybe we all aren’t meant to have a passion….But the preacher said God made everyone for something, that we all have a purpose and we should find it in order to start living.

…..Well Preacher man, I’ve been searching a long long time for mine, gotten frustrated, seems I’ve got the proverbial hand of Midas I’m frustratingly good at everything I set out to do: Fine arts, Writing, Modeling, Speaking, Music…hold up, I haven’t tried music, maybe my passion is in music……but what if its not, what if its just a hobby just like the others, what if im just meant to lead the bathroom all stars choir like every other aspirant like me *fist bump in the air*

Been thinking a lot lately and Ive realized something, the preacher man lied.

Yeah I said it, they all lied, we cant all be number one, we cant all be ‘bests’, if we r all billionaires, who will work for us, if no one will do 9-5 jobs (which in reality is 7:30am-6pm or 7pm depending on the distance to your house) then who will work for the visionaries, If everyone wants to be 2baba, who will buy his CDs, If everyone wants to be Mark Zucherberg, who will use Facebook?

I might not be the number 1 artist or writer/blogger or speaker, but I know one thing that’s the only thing that can pass for a burning desire and passion, I know I love to help others get to be number 1, maybe that’s the almighty calling on my life, to help people achieve their dreams, to lend my shoulders to others to climb, to be the number 2 in the background, the Bartholomew among the disciples of Jesus, the Gail to Oprah,

It will be tough I know, backstage isn’t full of camera and lights, no one is really interested in what goes on there….ok, maybe just a few, but Its ok, I find fulfillment being the one who smacks your head and tells you ‘yes you can’

So in the mean time, Imma go try out music outside the bathroom *wink*

Your number 1 fan,

A.D

All men are NOT the same!

*Wipes dust off face* Im sooooo sorry I've been away, life just went on like a roller coaster, graduated, went to camp and now im serving somewhere above the confluence state  :-). But I'm serving now, and I've got access to superfast internet 24/7....ermmm, sorry 10/6 :-) and I have loads to rant and muse about.

Was at a church program some Sundays back and, my Pastor asked a very stunning question and I’m going to ask you too.

Do you know how many people will cheat on their partners if they knew they’ll never be caught?

You might not be sure of the stats, but you just might, right? And more shocking is the awfully painful truth I realized after the service. Men, especially in this part of the Niger, cheat simply because they can!

Let me explain,

Mr G is a 5’6 typical Nigerian man, married to the Mrs and they have 3 children to show for the 9 years of marriage, all boys btw. So it happens that Mr G is bored with his wife and wants a lil sumfin sumfin by the side, a lil more curve, a lil more whatever you guys call it, but note, Mr G has a very healthy and well rounded ‘one pack’ and since he’s an average Nigerian man who is expected to be a regular 'eba swallower', its allowed to have a pot belly.

Now to the Mrs, with grateful hearts to the big J, she has kids by him, and none look like the neighbor neither are they all gurls, buh JUST BECAUSE she has gained ‘some’ over the years and….maybe she has a few bicycle tires on her waist, then he gets tired and blames the quenching love life on her……..what about him, is it cos she’s tryna be a Prov 31 woman that he doesn’t know that she also wants an Idris Elba or a Chris Attoh, camaaan, cut her plenty slack, child bearing is no joke, I always hear guys talk about how we women let ourselves go, well, men let go too, *rolling my head*. And so he gets a younger gurl who’s still got some curves and then the Mrs hears and when she complains to her own mother, she has this to say

“Take it easy my dear, men are all the same, you have to bear with him, all men cheat, he’ll grow out of it, even your father had 1, it’s what makes us the wives, you have to be mature about it”

My 1^st reaction is @#$%^*!@ ARE YOU KIDDING, but then again, this is real talk, real life and then Oga himself is not even ashamed, feels it’s his right and expects her to understand, even the society doesn’t frown on it as much as it frowns when the Mrs is the one ‘eating out’, camaann, its not fair, I don’t believe all men are the same, and why can’t he be the mature one, how old does he have to grow till he matures, some of these men are grandpas, I mean Wikipedia says the ratio of men to women in Nigeria is 1.04, which means there are more males than females, isn’t he even happy he got one, I mean…whats happening is not fair, but I don’t even know who to  point at, the women are suffering alright, but they are also the contributors and the men being men are just riding on the wings of our own handmade theory.

Its still sounds insane, but there are still women out there with this school of thought, ‘I know you are cheating, but please be smart about it’, O honey *in Marshall Ericsson’s voice*, even if he’s smart about not getting caught, what about the STDs, what about all the money he’s spending on her, yes, what about it mehn. I used to be part of those women who say, if you cheat, pls be smart about it, but then I realized, it’s a silly thing to think, not all men are the same!

Men, over the years, knowingly or unknowingly built the notion that a woman should basically know how to cook clean, and generally run a home, just by expecting it! We can do the same, cheating isn’t natural, its not ‘a mans thing’ and pls don’t gimme that crap about different pots of soup, I have bitterleaf, efo and edikaikong soup in the freezer, tell me when you are hungry.

Yours……..ever loving :)

A.D

Frenemy

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Everyday I watch people make very avoidable mistakes, mistakes primarily rooted in bad company, or wrong company. In life, there are 3 kinds of people, even Jesus our master had theses classes of people in His cabinet.

The Comrades: Now these are category my sister would call ‘frenemies’, they aren’t your enemies neither are they  your friends, they are the people you come across who are in your life just cauz you both have a common enemy, an example would be, the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), now in this group, we have all sorts of denominations of ‘Christians’, both those with similar beliefs and those with conflicting beliefs, this association brings them all under one umbrella to fight a common enemy, it will be a great disservice to oneself to consider a comrade as  friend.

Constituents:  This is the category of people often mistaken to be opportunists, the truth is that they may seem so, but they are there for purpose, these people love your vision, they love your ambition, they are the ones who, really will work for you, these people are with you when the going is good, they will HELP you, build your vision, but as good as they may seem, it is only good we take advantage of these set of people and utilize their seeming “love” for us, cos the truth is they only love your persona, not necessarily your person, these people should on no condition be confused with the next category of people, they are only there to help your vision, not necessarily your person, on no account should you expose your weakness to them, as helpful as they may seem, they can cause a man’s downfall.

One funny thing about constituents is that at first glance everyone criticizes them, but the truth is that EVERONE get to be a constituent in someone else’s life. Jesus was the only human who walked this earth and was a confidant to all

One must be very careful to determine and categorize each person accordingly, one of the very subtle reasons for high rate of divorces is because men marry their constituents, and then when the going gets tough, they vamoose.

Confidants: yes, just like their names, these are the real friends, the ones to show your weakness to, the ones to get married to, the ones who love your persona and your person, sometimes they don’t even necessarily benefit from you, they are put in your life to make you a better person, these are the ‘kepeers’, but unfortunately, because most times, people get more ‘attention’ from their constituents, they confuse these people’s place in their lives. So you have most guys marrying their constituents and when anything happens, it seems like these people never even loved themselves.

From a concerned youth,

Yours Sincerely,

A.D

Step into my thoughts 2

Yello dear readers, Step into my head is a series of my random thoughts,we had the first one here. I will be pouring them out occasionally and we would also love to hear your own thoughts too.

• What is it that people are always chewing in their sleep? Seriously speaking oh, and I'm not talking about all dem Africa magic, Nollywood  kinda sleep, I'm talking real life sleep, 'on the job' sleep or even the type of sleep we call 'crash'. The other day I happened to be in the room while my sister was sleeping and she was trying to change her position when I noticed her moving her mouth and making noises in the same manner as seen when eating a delicacy and to crown it all, after chewing, my lovely sister swallowed, and I kid you not, she actually swallowed. I had to leave the place cos the laughter that would follow would definitely wake her up. And no one needed to tell me that, that sleep was sweet! 
• TGIS : stop googling it joor, TGIS simply means Thank God It's Sunday. I know some of you are wondering how TGI can ever be followed by a day such as Sunday, well it should, and dats my own contribution to the growing world of 'laziness inspired abbreviations'. Who even started this whole madness sef, it's everywhere, even for serious matters like consoling the bereaved, we see things like TH, meaning Take Heart, or BS meaning Be Strong......ok, I just came up with those, but don't be surprised if it is already a thing. There are even the ones that drive me nuts, like 'k', what in God's name happened to the 'o' or even the 'ay' behind the 'k'.
• This is quite true though

And then they push guys to extents that they do this

Just to impress, na aw oh 

• Ehennnn, I recently heard a song oh, I hear it's by Justin Beiber oh, dat the name is ehnnnn.....as long as you love me. Hmmmn, Justin shouldn't come to Nigeria and be singing that song oh, imagine lines like.

'As long as you love me, we can be starving, we can be homeless, we can be broke, as long as you love, you'll be my platinum, you'll be your silver, you'll be gold.

Hmmm, I have no words to say.....we can be homeless, hmmn, brother Justin, no be so for naija oh, I'm sure dat song won't even trend in naija, here, homeless, starving and he even just summarized it all and said broke, Kai Kai, wen your mates are singing 'you MUST chop my money', you are inviting the poor babe to poverty. He didn't even make it subtle like MI and Waje. Justin, stop am if na joke oh.

I also understand the idea of introducing oneself saying 'my names are......', I feel its veryyyyyy wrong, a name (full name) consists of a 1st and last name, though different, they are still one and the same person, its just that, the more the number of names, the more specific and distinct the identification. Infact that is one of my greatest and 'hughest' (if there even a word like that) turn offs for me, what is 'my names are.....', kai #shrughs in irritation, but I think that one is even better, what in God's name is 'I am ......by name', before
Nko, are u Akpors by specie, abi are you Akpors by gender, what happened to the simple, 'my name is.....' or 'I am.....'Finish, not some yeye English
And i am sure it is one over sabi lesson teacher that started that revolution,chei, Naija my country! Only God can save us sha 


  Yours.......thoughtfully,

A.D

Win BIG!!!

Ok, it's that time of the year again, it's that time to nominate bloggers for the Nigerian Blog Awards. Dear GNG memoir readers, this is the first time I'll be asking for this, it's a good thing to have awards like this you know :)


Please my dear readers, nominate memoirs of a good naija girl in the Nigerian Blog Awards on the site http://nigerianblogawards.com/register.php


The ones I'm eyeing are

Best new blog of the year
Best humor blog

Kpere, I'm not selfish, I just want those two, finish.
I know I've being off the scene for sometime due to final year things, but lemme just remind you guys of some your favorite posts.

Dear future husband
Dozie
9deadly phrases men use
Pretty women are overrrated
Crushed
Enter-scare-ment.

So, pleaseeee, Pweeti please, nominate me :)

Yours........sincerely
A.D

'Posting'

No, I'm not talking about the upcoming NYSC postings or whatever in your head, I'm actually talking of 'posting'.

Posting - the act and process (trust me, it's both) of being rejected for employment.

Poster- this is the agency or company for which you seek engagement 

Postee - you, who is being posted.

Ever since my search for a 'something-to-hold-body' kind of job, I've come across different people, situations and of course 'postings', I'm still waiting, hopefully believing what they said, even when I know the implied meanings of their yarns, #sighs.

So, today I'll share my insight on some very common favorites of the 'posters'

'Thank you for your application, we will get back to you'

Translation: kpele dear, we know how much it cost you to pay that guy to arrange your CV, he tried oh, but, he also did the same for one-third of the other applicants.

'Very impressive, we will get back to you'

........note how all the posting lines all end with .....we will get back to you.

Translation : beautiful CV, wonderful cover letter, but, Kai, my oga has already put his niece in that position. Keep hunting, you will survive.

'We are not hiring right now, but I'll keep you in mind'

Do you really need a translation, this is as plain as it gets, even though you know that Usman told you they are hiring and he just got his niece a spot.

All the above are postings on initial application, now these ones are after maybe an interview or two

'We ( I ) would really want to work with you, you are what we are looking for, we would give you a call for the next stage'

Translation : now this is very tricky, fact is they might actually want to have you on board, you might indeed be what they are looking for, buh all that one na tori, get on your lappy and start resending applications because you have just been posted, and on a very long thing. 

'The position has already been filled'

Yes oh, this is a posting line, even after passing the exam and one interview, and I don't think you need a translation for this too but if you insist

Translation : how the hell did you get this far, abeg give us chance, more valuable people are waiting.

Also I noticed that contrary to popular beliefs, there are jobs in Nigeria, there just aren't enough qualified candidates for the job. How can you say you are an accounting grad with the very common 1st class honors and you don't even know where debit side should be in a balance sheet! 

Oh yea, another thing about this job hunting of a thing is networking, though it has carried on various non dignifying names like 'long legs', it is a very important tool, I know some people will start giving me some funny eye gestures, but lemme ask this question

Why would you call getting a job through a friend I met at a conference corruption but call getting the same job through Sister Nkechi in church 'favour'? Answer me oh.

The world is changing dear GNG memoirs readers, please don't get left behind, adapt.

Yours.......soon to be poster 

A.D

Ojuju

Saying I'm sorry wouldn't even begin to show how sorry I am, I've been caught up in so many things, some important,some, not so important,buh I'm back now,and hopefully, we'll never know a better yesterday.

Ok, so recently I've been into a lot of Yoruba movies, and funny enough I don't exactly understand the language, I have to be super fast to read the subtitles, plenty of which have errors, and I'm not talking typos or mild mistakes, I'm talking '#?!#!#*' kinda errors, cos you can't even understand what the intended message was let alone, correct them. 

This reminded me of an experience during a class in a summer school I and one of my besties organized just to keep body and soul together, we asked one of our students to write a letter to the local govt chiarman as regards the deplorable state of his constituency and methods and bla bla.......just one of those times u need to sleep small n u give the pupils something over their heads to give u enough sleep time :) So the assignment was given and after I had my fill of sweet 'on the job' sleep, I asked for the work.

Dear GNG memoir readers, I still can't understand what she wrote down, I couldnt even form professional teacher, I just had to laugh, poor child, she had written in English alright, buh it was either too outdated to understand or from sometime in the future, I couldn't hold myself, I'm so sorry swerieee. To worsen the matter, my dear pupil ended her letter with 'your Highness', instead of 'yours Sincerely', or the 'yours Faithfully' we all know, and this is no fabrication, true story. Note, she is meant to be in SS2! It is well with Nigeria.

Back to the Koko of this post, I've been watching more of Yoruba movies cos, regardless of what you might say, I think they have the richest of plots for their storylines, yes they might all have diabolical context, buh even in reality, a lot of things are very diabolical indeed, and ignorance is no more bliss but folly and this is not a post to convince you that all you see is not all there is, but that.......nah that exactly what I'm trying to do

You see the devil is very tricky (oh yes I'm preaching now), that's why I always say, if you don't know any greater power source (Jesus of course), don't mock the devil cos he still has rights over some people's lives.

You see, he knew he wouldnt have dominion over everyone so he introduced civilization, urbanization, all the modern things we believe" Scientology, astrology, all, these things which only believe in the seen visible things of the earth, they confine minds to only believe in what they see with their physical eyes, so when he works in the invisible and does evil, they (non-believers) go back to what they know, what he has given, science, reason, all to find tangible visible proofs for works of the invisible.

Ok, I hope I've not confused anyone. Sha, Afmag Yoruba hasn't only made me more aware of the presence of invisible forces, buh has also taught me that;

.not only do actions speak older than words, expressions too. The Yoruba language is so expressive, every word leaves your mouth in very awkward positions, even the word 'Yoruba' leaves your mouth open.

.all you need to do to remember anything is to stare longingly at the ceiling.

.its possible and very doable to have the same hair do for 12years and it'll not become attached to your real hair, it will even have the same, texture, the same color, the same shine.

.its okay for ghosts to have shadows, as far as they have powder poured all over their face and they are wearing white cloth.

.until your voice is loud enough to raise the dead, you aren't angry, or in science terms :) the higher the decibel in your voice, the higher the Intensity of your anger.

And finally, that subtitles are never 100% correct and thus I've learnt the meaning of some words....

Ma ri e laipe :)

Yours........Igbo and proud.

P.s, that simply meant 'see you soon'

Life after the gate!

So to God be the Glory oh, I'm now a graduate of petroleum engineering from a vewi.....controversial higher institution. Let's not go into the details buh, it's the the best private university in Nigeria......see, I told you it was quite controversial, I can see you yimuing at your screen. Arrange your face joor.
Ehnn, as I was saying, June 29 was the historic day oh. Firstly, I never imagined the kind of exhaustion I experienced that day, Jisoxxxx just convocation oh, I'm too scared to imagine wedding sef. It was very memorable, got lotsa awesome gifts and money too ;)


So....I'm back now, and as scary as it sounds, even though I'm still waiting to serve, I'm unemployed, and....damn, this life is not what I envisioned, now I understand why it is believed that students are more buoyant than the unemployed.
It's been a week since I got back home and I guess I've completed my initiation into the brother.....sorry 'sisterhood of the convertible couch' (SCC), u know, convertible couch, in the sense that even though it's a couch, it can be transformed to absolutely anything.....except for *the white house*.


Having gone through the initiation process, i think I should pass the knowledge to intending members ;)

Now the choice of couch should be chosen carefully, anything leather is an absolute no-no. It has a way of making you uncomfortable, and at the sisterhood. We can't have that cauz our motto is 'no place like home' :)



Depending on your membership, choose your couch, for short time members like me, we use couches, really soft warm, cotton fabric upholstery, buh for very long time members, y'all allowed to upgrade to a bed, u know what I mean ( hehehe;) )



Since I'm only a short time member, I only know abt my pips ;)
Now to my fellow couch comrades *raises clenched fist in the air* your couch of choice should at least be able to sit 2, I.e a 2-seater, be close to the essential rooms of the house (restroom and kitchen) and should compulsorily have space for the remotes, yea remotes cos you'll be doing lots of surfing on TV and if you are home alone and dont have younger ones to use like me...you'll definitely need a mobile remote holder both for Convinience and function :)



Other gadgets needed includes your laptop or iAnything, iPad preferably, your phone which must be Internet enabled and, hmmnn........oh yes, recharge card so you can call other pips in the house to get your your food, I mean, i don't think u'ld want to walk allllll the way to the kitchen everytime you need to chew or actually eat :)
So now you have your gadgets, your 'couch sweet couch' and...I think you are good to go.



And to those who think this package is quite demanding and can't quite afford to enjoy this bundle, never mind, there's the weekend package :) same rules, shorter enjoyment, I personally recommend this, I mean, laziness has saved some people's lives ;)




Yours......from my couch



A.D

....So, its Time To Go

Warning: this post is a result of my findings of a particular group of people, events and situations may not be easily relatable.....buh its a good read though :)

 So, when its time to go and Im sure some of you’ll have ur 'stabbing' schedule all planned out….well, from some who’s passed through probably the most dynamic of them all, DON’T STAB, but, if you happen to arrive at the venue way after ‘fashionably late’, its prolly better, u just turn back, cos Im sure u’ve realized for yourself that in ur school, its better never than late and there’s no joke intended in that.

So, as an eagle….wow, it feels awesome typing that, as an eagle, I’ll be dropping some tips for our upcoming eaglets for surviving this season, you might find some of them funny, buh it’ll be great service to u if u heed them…..no matter how silly.

Point 1: Get an alarm clock, this might sound flimsy n casual, buh trust me, going to bed by 4am, n having to wake up by 6am for church service is no joke, u’ll truly experience what Paul the apostle said meant wen he said, the spirit is willing, buh the flesh is weak!

Point 2: its time for a carry-on shoe, carry-on tie, carry-on blazer, yeah u heard me right, carry-on, something u can put in your bag, laptop bag, handbag, anything, I mean, since u know not the hour or the venue, buh u know that u must appear properly clad in ur royal raiment, its only wise to ‘be prepared’

Point 3: develop a strong sense of hearing. Both for audible sounds and inaudible sounds, there no other situation that’ll describe keep ur ears to the ground than this…….I mean, u could even try hearing people’s thoughts too ;), cos at this period, the hall attendant isn’t the only one who gives reliable info, ur next door neighbor might just have a more reliable info.

Point 4: Forget what Oxford says, solemn can also mean strange, unusual in addition to…..I can t even remember what Oxford says it actually means. Buh what im trying to say is that, in addition to the fact that no two words in the English language mean the same thing, new meanings can pop up at anytime!

Point 5: The hours on the clock have just being bought, yea, during this period, some of the hours on the clock are yours……scratch that, all the hours on the clock are not yours anymore, its their school, so its their time, and that means you can be called up at anytime, from 6am, to 12midnight for purposes like……anything….important stuff, irrelevant stuff, anything, oh yea, silly stuff like ‘Procedure for Community Development for final yr students’, and no I’m not kidding, that actually happened, that meeting was for 10pm and lasted till almost 12am.

Point 6:to the ladies, for your own good, come packing……. for the gents, I guess it just means, come with ur appropriate writing materials, but for the ladies, now here’s you checklist

• A very good and big bag 
• A portable slippers, trust me you’ll need it 
• Gum 
• Sweets or chocolate 
• A very good, good book, I really hope u get this part cos this book cant be a boring one. 
• And last buh not least a….or sorry, that cant fit into a bag. Lets just maje that point 7

Point 7; Now get urself a partner, a seating partner, yea, u know what im saying, a…sorta contract partner, who knows that the partnership has an expiry date, someone who would always light up the boring times, buh also knows when to shut up and listen and who knows something serious might actually start from there. It has to be someone new, not anyone from your normal circle of friends.

Point 8: You know how they say ‘a stitch in time saves nine’…..well, when its time to go, ‘asleep on time saves spine’, lemme explain. During this period you are going to feel like u are just going to fall n faint a lot of times……im sorry, u wont, even though, u’ll still have project stuff going on, and then there are training sessions/classes, u’ll pull through, buh, regardless of the time the evening session ends, wen u get to ur room, SLEEP, don’t form superman or woman, I understand u’ll hav pressing issues, buh pls, catch some sleep, here’s y. You get to ur room still try to do some project work with sleepy eyes n then fall asleep eventually only to hv u roomie wake up (5mins later in sleepworld) to prepare for the morning session, n then u r obviously late n u get there n don’t find a seat, n If u actually do, it’ll be a bad seat n u’ll have nasty back issues in addition to the crappy work u did earlier in the morning which u’ll hv to redo btw. So, u see, asleep on time saves spine.

Point 9: When it come to keeping seats, especially overnight, don’t just do it anyhow, study the art….trust me, its an art, see how its done, the places to keep ur ‘keeping material’, the areas to keep, stuff like that, except of course u want ur keeping material missing, n by keeping material, it could be anything, trust me, ive seen it all, from notebooks to ladies pulled out hair extensions, to guys ties tied securely round the kept seat, and this tie’ll most likely be what they’ll also be wearing throughout the next day (point 2).

Hmmmnn, Im feeling quite wise having poured all that 'wisdom' ;)

I do hope u heed them young eaglets.

...............Yours ever soaring.


A.D